This time last week I posted a competition to win a little pile of feminist goodies that I had lying around the house and figured needed to go to a good home. Before going to bed yesterday, I wrote all the names of the commenters on that post on slips of paper, folded and placed them into my purple felt hat, shook it up a bit, and then selected a winner. As you can see from the photo, that person is... Desirée! The prize will be winging its way to her very soon indeed. Thanks very much to everyone who entered.
Competition Time: Winner #1
This time last week I posted a competition to win a little pile of feminist goodies that I had lying around the house and figured needed to go to a good home. Before going to bed yesterday, I wrote all the names of the commenters on that post on slips of paper, folded and placed them into my purple felt hat, shook it up a bit, and then selected a winner. As you can see from the photo, that person is... Desirée! The prize will be winging its way to her very soon indeed. Thanks very much to everyone who entered.
Competition Time: Over 18s only!
Today sees the third and final competition in my clearing-out-the-flat series, and the prize this time is rather smutty indeed. This little parcel of goodies will contain a copy of Tracy Cox's "100 Hot Sex Positions", which I reviewed for BitchBuzz last year. Even if you're not one for working your way through many sexual positions and ticking them off in the margin, there are plenty of other tips in this book, plus a model who looks a bit like John Barrowman! In addition, I shall pass on to you my copy of the erotic novel 3 by Julie Hilden. I read this so long ago now that I can't remember much about it, other than the fact that I liked it. And just in case the books get you a little hot under the collar, I'll also throw in a box of Durex condoms to make sure you stay safe.If you are interested in winning this sexy little prize, just leave a comment below before midnight on Wednesday I shall put every commenter's name in a hat and will announce the winner next Thursday. Good luck!
Competition Time: Vintage goodies
It's time for the second of my clear out giveaways, and today's prize might be useful to those of you with an interest in vintage fashion. The main part of this prize is a fantastic book called "1940s Hairstyles" by Daniela Turudich that has a great step-by-step guide to recreating loads of vintage looks. I don't have the energy to spend this much time on my own hair and so decided that the book needed to go to a better home. I was initially thinking of trying to sell it on Amazon Marketplace because copies of the original are listing for £80-200, but the second edition (RRP £16) is due out in May so I doubt anyone will actually be willing to pay that much for those copies! Also in the picture are a bottle of Lipcote, to seal your lippy firmly in place, plus a vintage Peter Pan collar that I attached ribbon to before realising that it doesn't actually go with anything I wear. I have also included a book about the 1950s that was published in 1978, so that one's doubly vintage!If you are interested in winning this little nod to the past, just leave a comment below before midnight on Tuesday. I shall put every commenter's name in a hat and will announce the winner next Wednesday. Good luck!
The Alternative A-to-Z of Sex: Zealous
As with many things, when it comes to sex, having some enthusiasm for the task at hand is usually considered to be of benefit. An eager lover is far more desirable than one who simply lies back and thinks of what they need to do tomorrow. A partner who is keen to lay their hands on you and is excited about trying new things can bring out the fervent side of all of us. Whether it's a passionate zeal for the act itself or the person you are about to engage in it with, enthusiasm will win you many admirers. As long as you pick up some skills along the way, and are considerate to your lover's needs, eagerness really can go a long way. Don't take it too far though. Erogenous zones are, by their very nature, sensitive and so being over-zealous will put an end to your encounters pretty quickly!As you can tell, this is the end of my Alternative A-to-Z of Sex. I am keen to start another alphabetical run-down, so am taking suggestions for saucy themes. I may be going with the A-to-Z of Unusual Sex, for those words that you may not have heard of, but all ideas are welcome.
Image via UggBoy's Flickr photostream.
What polyamory means to me
There has been a bit of talk about open relationships in the news over the last few days, thanks to a Republican politician named Newt Gingrich. He's hoping to get a chance to go for the trickiest job in the world and so should have been prepared for the media to pick through his private life*. It appears that he was having an affair and wanted to continue without the stress of lying, so suggested to his wife that they switch to an open marriage. FYI, this is not the correct approach. Suggesting to a partner that you open up your relationship only works when you're honest and genuinely care about the other person's feelings and not just your own.Long discussions about how you both feel about each other - and other people - are good. Working out what to do together is good. Being as open and honest as you can is good. However, what Captain Subtext would have been saying as Gingrich asked about an open marriage was, "I've been lying to you and going behind your back to do things with this person who I now want you to be 100% happy to have in our lives. I am quite selfish." As Beth Anderson has helped me illustrate with the image you see above, this is incorrect.
Fearlessknits wrote about polyamory in The Guardian as a response to Gingrich's guilty little secret being revealed. It's an interesting piece but, as usual, some of the comments leave a lot to be desired. If I had five pounds for every time someone commented "having your cake and eating it" when the subject of consensual non-monogamy is mentioned, I'd have enough to buy a big banner that says YOU SAY THAT LIKE IT'S A BAD THING. Yes, it's like having more of something good, but it's also about people and their emotions. Please don't attempt to label us all as indecisive children who want All The Toys with your shameful use of cliché. We want all these people because we love and/or desire them, not just because we don't want you to have them. We're not selfish sex addicts, we are loving caring people who simply don't believe that monogamy works for us.
Polyamory to me is about companionship and friendship, as well as relationships. It's about love on many different levels - for example, the love I feel for a metamour is different to that which I feel for a partner but it's still love. Not every relationship has to be full-on but, just because we have other people in our lives, it doesn't mean that we simply want a light-hearted bit on the side. Giving and receiving emotional support is important, and we often have a wider circle of friends who understand our needs and are there for us. I'm not saying that monogamous people don't have this too - many do - but I just wanted to point out that polyamory isn't just about sex, or a bit of lighthearted fun. It sometimes encompasses that too, but don't be surprised if someone who's poly is a teeny bit offended when you suggest that's all their life is about.
Whether or not I choose to refer to myself as polyamorous, I shall always choose an ethical brand of non-monogamy. Even if you think that I'm simply trying to "have my cake and eat it", at least I know that there's more to it like that. I'm doing the right thing for me, and any partners I have will know that I'm being honest with them. The details may be complicated, but we just couldn't live our lives any other way.
*Although it still baffles me why anyone really cares about any detail other than whether or not a politician lied and covered it up, as that's really the only thing that's relevant to their work.
Competition Time: Feminism Friday
I will soon be moving house and so, being a bit of a hoarder, need to have a bit of a clear out of all the stuff I have acquired over the last five and a half years. As I waded through the piles of books that I hadn't read or wouldn't read again, I realised that some of visitors to my blog might be interested in them and so I have decided to run a few prize draws. Seeing as today is Friday, I thought I'd start with a little Feminism Friday competition. As you can see from the photo, this prize contains the rather controversial "The Noughtie Girl's Guide to Feminism" by Ellie Levenson. Ideal for someone who is unsure whether or not they are a feminist, or someone who is 100% sure and likes getting angry about stuff! Next up is the fantastic Suffragette and Women's War memerobilia packs that I bought from the National Portrait gallery shop back in October, plus a button badge from the sadly now defunct feminist magazine Subtext. I have also included an interesting book that I got from a professor who was clearing out her office at the last university I worked at. It was published in the early 80s and is called "Women's Work, Men's Work: The Ambivalence of Equality" by Virginia Novarra. Hopefully it's good but I have to admit that it's one of the ones that was on my unread pile!If you are interested in winning this little pile of feminist fun, just leave a comment below before midnight on Thursday. I shall put every commenter's name in a hat and will anounce the winner next Friday. Good luck!
UPDATE: If you want something interesting to read today, you should check out Retro Chick's fantastic post on vintage feminism.
Doctor Who in New York
As I said yesterday, there are two parts of my holiday that I wanted to tell you about. The first was the amazing vintage and retro clothing that I discovered, and the second was the amount of Doctor Who stuff I found in New York. I mean, I knew that US nerds were as obsessed with the show as us Brits are - many of the essays in Chicks Dig Timelords have taught me that - but I wasn't prepared for just how much of it I'd find without really looking. My first encounter was in the shop at the New Museum which had a delightfully sci-fi holiday window with Dalek 'snowmen' and a TARDIS hanging in the air above a Cylon santa in his sleigh pulled by TIE Fighters. Sadly, we didn't manage to get any decent photos of this.
Then, on Saturday 7th January we went along to Wasabassco Burlesque's spectacular free show in The Bell House in Brooklyn. We were treated to oceans of comical, sparkly and also very inventive burlesque performances - e.g. the delightful Hazel Honeysuckle as a tassel-twirling Cookie Monster - plus some great music, go-go dancing and the spectacular cowboy rope and whip skills of Chris McDaniel. However, fantastic though all that was, that's not why I wanted to write about the show. Oh no, there was far more fun in store for us sci-fi geeks. In the single most amazing costume I think I have ever seen a burlesque performer wear, we were treated to... Stormy Leather as a Cylon! The metallic, flashy lights kind too. Even those who'd never watched Battlestar Galactica in their lives must surely have enjoyed watching a woman strip robot parts from her body and leave the stage with red lights flashing up and down her spine. But that still wasn't my highlight though.
Later in the show, our wonderful host Doc Wasabassco announced that the following act would have a sci-fi theme too, based on a long-running British tv show. Then Nasty Canasta, host and producer of Naked Girls Reading NYC, appeared on the stage as an old skool Cyberman and proceeded to remove parts of her costume to the Orbital version of the Doctor Who theme. If that and the union flags on the toe caps of her Doc Marten boots wasn't enough, she was then handed an angle grinder and the sparks really started to fly! I see from her blog that this was the debut performance of this act and I can tell from the massive amount of applause and screaming that the audience absolutely loved it, so I suspect she'll probably be doing it again sometime. If you get a chance to see this woman perform, do not pass up the opportunity. There's a video of the act on her blog for those of us unable to get to her shows due to being stuck on a different continent.
The reason the audience at the Wasabassco show was so nerd-friendly was due in part to the large number of folk there who are regulars at a bar called The Way Station in Brooklyn. It's a lovely little steampunky place, that looks on first glance just like any other cozy bar with booths and comfy seating. That is, until you spot the TARDIS in the room. Yes, The Way Station's bathroom does look just like The Doctor's primary mode of transport, and it also appears to be bigger on the inside too. They have a range of Who-related cocktails and can lend you a sonic screwdriver if you've forgotten yours and want to pose for a photo. How could I resist? New York, I couldn't love you more.
Image of Nasty Canasta by Linus Gelber.
Then, on Saturday 7th January we went along to Wasabassco Burlesque's spectacular free show in The Bell House in Brooklyn. We were treated to oceans of comical, sparkly and also very inventive burlesque performances - e.g. the delightful Hazel Honeysuckle as a tassel-twirling Cookie Monster - plus some great music, go-go dancing and the spectacular cowboy rope and whip skills of Chris McDaniel. However, fantastic though all that was, that's not why I wanted to write about the show. Oh no, there was far more fun in store for us sci-fi geeks. In the single most amazing costume I think I have ever seen a burlesque performer wear, we were treated to... Stormy Leather as a Cylon! The metallic, flashy lights kind too. Even those who'd never watched Battlestar Galactica in their lives must surely have enjoyed watching a woman strip robot parts from her body and leave the stage with red lights flashing up and down her spine. But that still wasn't my highlight though.Later in the show, our wonderful host Doc Wasabassco announced that the following act would have a sci-fi theme too, based on a long-running British tv show. Then Nasty Canasta, host and producer of Naked Girls Reading NYC, appeared on the stage as an old skool Cyberman and proceeded to remove parts of her costume to the Orbital version of the Doctor Who theme. If that and the union flags on the toe caps of her Doc Marten boots wasn't enough, she was then handed an angle grinder and the sparks really started to fly! I see from her blog that this was the debut performance of this act and I can tell from the massive amount of applause and screaming that the audience absolutely loved it, so I suspect she'll probably be doing it again sometime. If you get a chance to see this woman perform, do not pass up the opportunity. There's a video of the act on her blog for those of us unable to get to her shows due to being stuck on a different continent.
The reason the audience at the Wasabassco show was so nerd-friendly was due in part to the large number of folk there who are regulars at a bar called The Way Station in Brooklyn. It's a lovely little steampunky place, that looks on first glance just like any other cozy bar with booths and comfy seating. That is, until you spot the TARDIS in the room. Yes, The Way Station's bathroom does look just like The Doctor's primary mode of transport, and it also appears to be bigger on the inside too. They have a range of Who-related cocktails and can lend you a sonic screwdriver if you've forgotten yours and want to pose for a photo. How could I resist? New York, I couldn't love you more.Image of Nasty Canasta by Linus Gelber.
