Advice on non-monogamy

Am I Good?
Originally uploaded by lipsticklori

I spotted that, in yesterday's Guardian, someone was asking advice on why he enjoyed sex more with his male lover when it was secret, and with his wife more when she found out about and accepted his lover. Despite being in a seemingly wonderful situation, the poor chap wondered if he'd ever feel the same way about them both. It's always good to see non-standard relationships get coverage in the mainstream media but, although Pamela Stephenson Connolly's response to this problem starts promisingly enough by admitting that some people can love more than one person, she spoils it all by suggesting that he hasn't fully accepted himself as bisexual.

She does acknowledge that the dip in interest in his male lover could perhaps be the new relationship energy fading away, but the greater emphasis seems to be on the fact that he might have internalised homophobia. Come on, which is more likely? Chances are he's just entered a new level of understanding with his wife and so now needs to put a bit more time and effort into his other relationship too. Things don't just magically get better on their own - communication is the key. I hope this man takes Dr Stephenson Connolly's advice with a pinch of salt and doesn't start worrying that he might actually hate himself. Talking to his lover is perhaps better than talking to a national newspaper, who no-doubt edited down the professional response and, of course, picked the worst possible sub-heading from it.