Advice on non-monogamy

Am I Good?
Originally uploaded by lipsticklori

I spotted that, in yesterday's Guardian, someone was asking advice on why he enjoyed sex more with his male lover when it was secret, and with his wife more when she found out about and accepted his lover. Despite being in a seemingly wonderful situation, the poor chap wondered if he'd ever feel the same way about them both. It's always good to see non-standard relationships get coverage in the mainstream media but, although Pamela Stephenson Connolly's response to this problem starts promisingly enough by admitting that some people can love more than one person, she spoils it all by suggesting that he hasn't fully accepted himself as bisexual.

She does acknowledge that the dip in interest in his male lover could perhaps be the new relationship energy fading away, but the greater emphasis seems to be on the fact that he might have internalised homophobia. Come on, which is more likely? Chances are he's just entered a new level of understanding with his wife and so now needs to put a bit more time and effort into his other relationship too. Things don't just magically get better on their own - communication is the key. I hope this man takes Dr Stephenson Connolly's advice with a pinch of salt and doesn't start worrying that he might actually hate himself. Talking to his lover is perhaps better than talking to a national newspaper, who no-doubt edited down the professional response and, of course, picked the worst possible sub-heading from it.

Fan-frockin-tastic

Occasionally, waiting can work out for the best. Earlier this month I pondered buying a pretty hat with my store credit in Bang Bang, but went back to the shop a few hours later only to find out that it had been sold. I've returned on a few occasions since then, but had yet to see anything I thought worthy of my £23, until today.

I have a fairy tale themed party to go to on Saturday and decided that I probably ought to just spend my Bang Bang credit on the 80s Laura Ashley "princess dress" that I tried on a few months back (and which, unsurprisingly, has yet to sell). However, when I rummaged around the rails this time, I found a 1950s handmade dress in a cracking print for £20. It has been repaired on the bodice, but it's not really noticeable so I consider this to be a bargain. Fits perfectly too!

Time out?

More empty deckchairs
Originally uploaded by lipsticklori

I love living in a vibrant city and having a large circle of interesting and sociable friends, but sometimes this really takes its toll. Lately I have been finding that my weekday evenings are completely booked up, and my weekends are all rather busy too. Not only does this leave little time for sleep and other necessities - such as housework - it also takes up rather too much of my money.

Now I think I need to start scheduling in some me-time. Away from the constant spending of money and the late nights, I can instead focus on a number of other important tasks and catch up on my beauty sleep. Not that I have any idea why they call it beauty sleep, as I need it more to restore my poor tired brain than anything else! Hopefully this will lead to me becoming more inspired where my writing is concerned too.

Fashion fades, only style remains

I like Hadley Freeman. Her fashion advice column in The Guardian is a breath of fresh air with its lack of meaningless rules and the opinion that liking nice clothes doesn't always have to make you look like a twat. Yesterday she reminded us that:

"Fashion is supposed to be about giving grown women self-confidence, pleasure and maybe even a strut in their stride. It is not supposed to make them want to resemble baby animals who can barely walk across the room. This seems to be an increasingly common misconception. While long legs are, granted, aesthetically pleasant, it does not follow that these legs need to be thin to the point of vulnerability. Similarly, I would contend that looking like you can barely walk because your skinny-winny legs can barely support ickle (a word that, when I am queen of the world, I shall ban) you is not quite as fabulous as certain fashion magazines, or at least certain fashion writers, seem to think."

On behalf of everyone who does not see the appeal of Alexa Chung, I say hear hear! We can all be stylish without looking like skinny unimaginative copy cats. What we need is inspiration for creating our own style, rather than rules for conforming to someone else's. If you want to kick start your fashion creativity, why not visit The Uniform Project's website and see how varied Sheena was with her accessorising during her year of wearing the same dress. You can also, finally, buy your own Uniform Project LBD (or pattern) via the site. Fashionable, sustainable, organic and all while supporting a good cause. Brilliant!

Getting things done

Yesterday's blog post caused a small wave of muttering to pass across Twitter and Facebook. It turns out that many people do have things to finish that they need a bit of extra motivation for, however, not everyone was up for letting me blog about their efforts. Too scary for some, not enough definition to their projects yet for others. However, I do have a small selection to share with you today. Check out what these lovely ladies are up to and feel free to offer advice or encouragement.

Rachael Gray - designing a range of exclusive footwear
After seeing Sam Roddick, creator of the amazing store Coco de Mer, speak on sexuality I somehow asked if I might design a range of shoes for Coco de Mer. Why? Because I felt ballsy at that moment, and I know I could do it. To my surprise she was interested and gave me the contact information of her head of design development.

I am currently trying to talk to every shoemaker I know to help me get the contacts I need to make this happen. I need to source some makers and materials, stat! At least I know I can aim high for quality when it comes to price point because CcdM is not a cheap store. I need to have a small line of designs with some projected costing ready to show her, and it needs to be soon.

Kate Borland - studying for a BSc in Politics and International Relations
As far as August goes my personal deadline is to have all the basics completed for the unit "Modern Political Thinkers" Between August and May is exam questions, essays and other types of revision but the basic learning of the stuff, note taking, book reading I aim to have done by the end of August.

Tessa Froosh - knitting a vintage-style cardigan
My big project at the moment is I am knitting myself a vintage style cardigan - it's bright red and I love it already :-) This is the back - so I have a long way to go before I'm wearing it. The wool is a plain 5ply - the chunky look is the pattern! I knit all the time and I love it - so calming.

Beth Anderson - steampunk illustration
The only thing I'm failing on is an illustration for The Clockwork Quartet - really have to get some done on it!

Cat Feathers - conquering zip & fit sewing nerves

I can sew and have made several wearable items, but I still feel inexperienced. I need to improve my cutting accuracy (Patience. I need to be *patient* when I'm cutting pattern pieces!) and when it comes to garments I've mostly worked with stretch fabrics. I need to stop quietly avoiding the world of zips, fitting tricks and woven fabrics, get over the 'this really isn't your forte' message I imbibed during Textiles lessons at school (ta very much, Mrs E), and challenge myself to sew something a little more complex than an A-line skirt or stretchy maxi-dress. It must involve woven fabric, and it must involve the use of at least two techniques of which I need more experience. First off: pattern hunting!

The lovely Kate also offered up this useful bit of advice: "Inspiration is a tough lady to pin down. When I am feeling uninspired or unmotivated I usually do myself a manicure or something and spend time reassessing my goals and reminding myself why I am doing the project in the first place. It sounds silly but I try to imagine how happy I will feel when I have finished and hopefully achieved something and how feeling proud of oneself is a rare but fun feeling to have!" That is definitely worth remembering.

Blog Project: providing motivation

Doodles
Originally uploaded by lipsticklori

Following on from yesterday's post, I have decided to start something small which I hope will provide a bit of motivation and encouragement to any readers suffering from a bad case of procrastination. If you have a project that needs to be finished but that you are struggling to get yourself organised enough to complete, do let me know. Send me a short paragraph about your project - letting me know what it is, why you're doing it, and when you'd like to have it done by - and I'll mention it on my blog. It can be anything too, from knitting to recreational programming! I'll check in with you to find out how it's going, which will hopefully provide the motivation you need, and can also feature your finished project once it's done. To give you an idea of what I mean, here's something I'm currently working on.

Miss Lolly Pops - creating a new burlesque act
I'm working on a new performance for the next Rebel Rebels show on 3rd September, and need to get my music sorted out pretty soon. I have three songs that I want to use, so will need to download some software and learn how to use it to piece parts of different songs together. I also need to find some quotes from movies to insert between the song clips to further enhance my message. My plan is to know which film clips I would like to use by the end of this week, and then try to get the soundtrack for my act produced by 5th August, if at all possible. This should leave me plenty of time to work on the rest of the piece, and get in plenty of rehearsals, before the show.

So, if you have something that you'd like to get done and just need a good kick up the backside to get on with it, please let me know. Email your paragraph, plus a link to your blog/website/Twitter account to contactlori[at]gmail[dot]com and I shall feature some more projects soon.

How to be creative

Pencils
Originally uploaded by lipsticklori

I have always been a creative person. A great many years of enjoyable art classes at school, followed by a year at art college and then a partly creative university degree has left me with a useful framework around which to organise the creative process, and a wealth of knowledge of techniques, processes and art history to further inspire and assist. However, finding the most appropriate outlet for my ideas and also the motivation to see it through has always been tricky, especially since I left full-time education. Sometimes I'm inspired by things I see and people I speak to, coming up with lots of wonderful ideas for creative projects, and then nothing happens for months and I forget about them. It's good to know that this happens to everyone though, and even those you admire can sometimes get stuck along the way.

Recently I've been talking to Rachael about ideas, designing and the creative process. She has a whole host of partially formed footwear designs swirling around in her brain and we've been trying to work out the best way to get them out. The first step is often to remove the hurdles, so large sketchbooks that you're reluctant to carry around all day are out, and setting yourself deadlines is a must. Even if it's just a matter of saying to yourself that you're going to have something to show a friend by the next time you meet them for drinks - make sure you tell them this and you'll no doubt want to avoid the guilty feeling that comes along with saying you've done nothing!

After that, you'll need to get some research done. This part can be lots of fun, but don't get distracted. You can find plenty of useful stuff to inspire creative projects online, but two-dimensional images are often not enough (and there are an awful lot of distractions when you're sat in front of a computer!), so go to galleries, museums, shops and shows. Whatever best fits your creative area, get out there and actually see something that relates to it. Take your sketchbook and jot things down wherever you can. After a while, that little book will become the most amazing reference point for forming your ideas and finding an end point to your project.

Don't let this be where it tails off though. Set yourself tasks that need to be done to get your project finished, and make sure you actually do them. Tell as many people as possible so they'll ask you how it's going and you'll want to have a decent response. Learn how to use that graphics software, find suppliers for your fabrics, go to that life drawing class, source the perfect yarn, sort out the music for your performance... whatever your project is, stop checking your email or watching television and get the hell on with it! If necessary, get together with a group of friends where you all discuss your creative projects as this will help to keep you motivated. Just think how satisfied you'll feel when it's finished, eh?

Inspiring, not pointless

I've said it before and I'll say it again, the internet is a fantastic place to socialise, chat and meet new people. What Zoe Williams may think of as "pointless messing about" is, to me, about building new friendships and maintaining existing ones. If lomography.com didn't exist, I would never have met a whole host of splendid folk who have since become good friends, including Beth and G. If it wasn't for Twitter, I'd never have met wonderful people like Rae, Em and Cat. And if it wasn't for what used to be called the blogosphere, I would never have met Lyle, Sevitz, Gert, Ann and now Gemma.

I forget when I started reading Gemma's blog, Retro Chick, but it always brings a smile to my day. Whether she's discussing the misleading sizing of clothes sold by high street stores, the meaning of vintage, or simply posting photographs of her lovely hairstyles and outfits, it's a pleasure to read and is always accessible. Some fashion bloggers keep writing about massively expensive items that they got free - things I sadly cannot afford to buy - and some focus far more on photos and videos than good old fashioned words. Retro Chick has a good balance of text to images and always provides me with a healthy dose of inspiration. Many fashion bloggers forget that readers are more easily retained when they think that, one day, they too could be as awesome as you.

Gemma is as lovely in real life as I expected her to be from her blog and was excellent company, despite being slightly worse for wear following much hi-jinx The Chap Olympiad. Thanks to her, I have now started my week with a smile and an added dollop of inspiration.

Age is just a number

According to Jess Cartner-Morley in The Guardian earlier this week, older models are coming back into fashion. Not that they really left, you understand, but now they appear to be getting much more high-profile work than ever before. Once where we'd guffaw at the idea of a 17-year-old model advertising a brand like Louis Vuitton - not exactly their target market - now we can look at the likes of Elle Macpherson and Christy Turlington and wonder why it took the fashion industry so long to do the right thing. Why did they spend years telling us that youth was so very important when a) it's not, and b) only older women have the money required to buy a lot of that stuff anyway?

The really surprising thing about this article for me, was Cartner-Morley claiming that people started to look right through her on the street once she hit 34. I'm glad I'm not the sort of person who spends their time wondering if and why people are admiring them in public. If other people don't appreciate my fabulous hair and shoes, why should I care? If other people think I'm too old... well, too old for what, exactly? I can pretty much guarantee that I'm having a lot more fun, plus getting a lot more sex and love, than anyone who would dare suggest that I should stay out of their line of sight now I'm in my mid 30s.

As Depeche Mode once said, people are people. What they should have said after that was, deal with it.

I love London

Hot dogs
Originally uploaded by lipsticklori

Four years ago, when we were preparing to move to London, I was utterly convinced that it would never feel like home. After almost a decade in Manchester (on and off), I thought that London was too big, too unfriendly and certainly too expensive for me. Friends told me I'd love it, but I insisted that I'd miss the warmth and charm of the north west far too much to settle. However, even though a little part of me will always remain inside the M60, less than a month after moving to the capital I was already loving it.

London is a melting pot of people from all over the country and all over the world. People have either come here in search of themselves, work or adventure, but the one thing we all have in common is that we want to be here. In other towns and cities, you can always find people who would love to leave, people who can't wait to leave, and others who have just never thought about it. In London, everyone is there because they love it. We either moved here because it's amazing, or have grown up here and have no real need to leave because... well, where would you go that's as good?

If you like the quiet life of art galleries, free events, villages, epic views, beautiful parks and afternoon tea, London has it. But if you like the hustle/bustle of shopping, restaurants, clubbing and more gigs than you could possibly fit in to your social schedule, London has that too. It's expensive, but you get paid more. It's busy, but you can get home late at night. The UK's capital may seem like a daunting place at first, but there really is something for everyone to love.

How to get curls that stay

Several people have, on seeing this photo of me, asked how I created the curls. Although it looks impressive, it's actually not that difficult so I thought I'd share my technique.

• Wash your hair, roughly dry it and then comb out all the tangles.
• Use cheap bendy rollers (I bought two packs from Superdrug ages ago and they've lasted well) with some styling mousse, or even setting lotion if you want a really strong hold.
• Divide the hair into sections (the larger the section, the bigger the curls), and wrap the ends tightly around the middle of each roller. Then roll underneath and towards your head, securing at the top by bending the ends across each other.
• Do this all over your head, making sure the ones around your face are particularly neat, but don't worry too much about the top.
• Cover in an oh-so-sexy headscarf or hairnet and sleep with your rollers in. They aren't quite as uncomfortable as they look!
• The next morning, remove the rollers by unfolding the ends and then sliding them out of each ringlet (rather than unwinding, as this is quicker and a bit neater).
• Brush it until it goes fluffy... and then keep on brushing! It feels like the wrong thing to do but eventually you will start to see a glamorous starlet rather than lots of 80s frizz.
• Use your fingers to shape the style into place and then spray with lots of hairspray.

If your hair holds a curl well just using heat, I'd suggest getting hold of some hot sticks as they are hightly recommended by many glamorous vintage ladies and will take less time than my overnight routine. Either way, it'll take a while to find out which styling product works best for you but, once you've found it, your curls will last for days.

Making photographs

When I was about 12, I had a cheap red camera for taking snapshots of my friends and family. In the early 1990s I got myself a compact black Olympus Mju II that took amazingly sharp shots as long as you weren't drunk and too close. At university I was the snapshot queen and my photo albums of those days are packed full of memories. However, In 2003 everything changed. I asked Topper if he could get me a crazy plastic four-lensed camera, called an action sampler, for my birthday. I didn't really know what this was but I'd seen shots that other people had taken with one and it looked like lots of fun, so I figured I needed one in my life. When it arrived, it was oh-so-shiny - a special edition called the cybersampler - and came with a whole load of leaflets and posters mentioning a website called lomography.com where I could upload my scanned images completely free. So I snapped away, scanned my prints and popped them online, creating another online presence for lipstick-lori in the process. Then I browsed the other images on the site, and that's when things really got good.

I kept seeing these wonderful clear bright images on people's lomohomes that had been shot on something called a Lomo LC-A. It seemed to be a camera that took 35mm film and could make the most awe inspiring images out of anything, with little more than an eye for a good shot and some knowledge of creative techniques required by the photographer. From all this browsing I learned about cross-processing, long exposures, the strategic use of a coloured flash, and also discovered that cheap Agfa film was a lomographer's dream. By the middle of that year, I too owned an LC-A and so began my journey deeper into the world of photography.

Through discussions on the site, I ended up becoming one of the founder members of a wonderful group of Manchester lomographers who exhibited in various locations around the city a number of times, and who also had a hell of a lot of fun. A day trip to Portmeirion and a weekend in Blackpool stand out clearly in my memory, and not just for the number of images we shot. However, before long all this 'breaking the rules' stuff reminded me that I didn't actually know what the rules were, so I borrowed an SLR and enrolled on a course in basic photography. Once again I found that spending time with other photographers was rather fantastic, but by far the best thing about that course was the tutor. AJ motivated and inspired us all in a way that perhaps only an ex-punk can, and I have him to thank for so many of the fantastic shots I have taken since then. After a course in darkroom techniques, I went on to study for an A-level which helped to develop my creative side further and introduced me to an awful lot of photographers, past and present, whose work continues to inspire me.

These days I often need the motivation of going to an exhibition or discussing photography with my friends before I pick up a camera and create something, but I continue to see the world in a different way thanks to photography. After all, thinking about and paying attention to what I see every day, rather than letting the world pass me by, is something that I can do with or without a camera in my hand.

No, we don't have to pick a side!

A while ago, I found a fascinating Twitter user called Bi Visibility who says that, "Twitter is full of both misunderstanding and celebration of bisexuality. I share both". Up until this point, I had never really revealed or discussed my orientation with anyone other than those who would understand, or at least not judge me, so I was astonished to discover just what sorts of things go through some people's heads when confronted with the mere notion that someone is attracted to men and women. Most of these people seem to think that it's a passing trend, request that we pick a side, suggest that we are greedy or, in the case of bisexual men, claim that there is actually no such thing. On the off-chance that anyone finds this post whilst searching for further information about just how bad it is to be bi, may I suggest that you read The Bisexual Index's FAQ page before you make up your mind? It won't take long and you might just learn something new.

Leaving aside the sort of relationships I choose to have, being bisexual does not mean that a person will always be unfaithful and just want everyone all the time. That's a silly idea. It is possible to like more than one person/thing at a time you know. If you're an omnivore, how would you react to someone suggesting that you can't eat meat and vegetables because you have to pick a side? If you're a parent, would you like it if someone told you that you can't love all of your children because that's greedy and you need to choose one? Yes, that's dumb. Yes, that's childish... but so are these people! Like the lovely illbefrancoise says, "THEY are the ones that need to decide... on getting a life instead of commenting on other people's." Indeed.

Jobs don't come to you

I read in today's Guardian that there are now 70 applicants for every job and that this year's graduates have been "told to consider flipping burgers or shelf stacking to build skills". I find it shocking that the headline on this article has been worded to insinuate that there are 70 graduate applicants for every job, when actually they mean every graduate job. You know, the ones with the high starting salaries and extensive training schemes. By the looks of the advice offered by the chief executive of The Association of Graduate Recruiters, it seems to be the case that only 'graduate' jobs are being promoted to students - why else would they feel the need to tell them there is other work out there? I am disappointed that some students have to be told to consider jobs they may think are beneath them in order to get money, as I have never been out of a job for more than a month.

After university, complete with my (apparently now worthless 2:2), I went back to live with my parents and returned to my holiday job at WH Smith in order to get paid while considering my options, and I had a fantastic time doing it. I learnt every task in the store and met some really amazing people. My plan wasn't to gain skills for my CV, but I inadvertantly did. Every retail and temp job I've ever done has given me some skills or knowledge to add to what I gained from my more permanent roles.

Perhaps most graduates, unlike me, have a very clear idea of what they want to do and think that any work taken on outside this path will delay or prevent them from reaching their goal. I hope that's why they're taking all these unpaid internships that promise skills and insight, but sometimes only exist as a source of free labour for the companies who create them. If everyone's now working for free, why should anyone bother paying them in the future? Surely, with a steady stream of desperate graduates looking for a way in to the industry, there will be no need to offer entry-level paid work at all in some areas? How can this be better than the age old approach of packing boxes or answering phones while you plan your next career move?

I don't think I'd go to university if I was in school now. Forcing a target of 50% of young people entering higher education has swamped the market at a time when students are paying more and more for courses which are, in some cases, doing little to further their career prospects. My sister didn't go to university and now, despite many employers' desire to employ graduates for everything, has a better paid job than I do because she's more driven and doesn't wait for things to come to her. With some key exceptions which involve a lot of detailed knowledge and training, you can do anything you want to if you just put your mind to it. Working in retail for a year so that you can pay your way after university is not going to hold you back and really shouldn't be headline news.

She who hesitates...

I had a mini-clearout at the weekend and put aside a small pile of garments to take to Bang Bang and get myself some store credit. When you don't have much money, a clothing exchange is the perfect way to indulge your shopping habit without forking out any cash. Every time I pop in to this store I always find something exciting, so I thought I'd have a quick rummage before I left. As usual, I found an amazing selection of beautiful shoes that were too big and garments that were too small, including an amazing 1950s black dress that was a UK size 8. I found myself racking my brain to see if I knew of any London-based vintage-loving friends who were that tiny and had cash to spare. It's always nice to see pretty things go to a good home.

As I was about to leave, I found a cute red felt hat with a diamante brooch on the front. It was almond-shaped, well made, lined, attached to the wearer's head with elastic, and looked like something Paloma Faith would wear. Just the sort of thing I love and, at £20, within my store account budget, but I hesitated. Do I really need another hat? Probably not as I have several and don't really wear them as much as I should. It was labelled 'vintage' but it looked far too clean and new to me, so I suspected it was vintage-style and so decided to go back to my desk and check out the designer's name, Victoria Grant, on Google. Turns out Paloma Faith does wear her hats (it was just like the one in the photo on the right, only red) and she also sells them in Coco de Mer where I'd drooled over several of them just the other week! I thought about this hat all afternoon and decided that I simply must have it.

Sadly, I returned to the shop to find out it had been sold. If only I'd put it on hold. If only I'd phoned them up when I realised what it was! Similar hats of Grant's sell for almost £300 on Go British - why on earth did I think it'd still be there? Still, who am I kidding, I probably wouldn't have given it a second look if it had been more then the amount I had to spend. I really don't need another hat. Shame I still want that one really.

New burlesque beginnings

Much to my delight, last week's ponderings on burlesque generated an awful lot of comments here, Tumblr, Twitter and also on Facebook. It was wonderful to hear that I am not the only performer who was caught up in the sparkly excitement of it all, only to slowly begin to find the experience somewhat unfulfilling, and it was great to hear from so many people who are encouraging me to take the time to develop acts that really say something. I have been wondering for a while if I could be a feminist and also a burlesque performer, but what I was really missing was how to combine the two. I need to think much more about what I want to say in a performance, and I know it's definitely not "here are my tits!". Even if I do include elements of striptease in my acts, I don't want that to be the main focus. I want people to go away thinking that what I did was funny, different or thought-provoking, rather than simply pondering the finer points of my sizeable arse. Although I'll never get away from the fact that burlesque has a bawdy element and a lot of the auduence will be expecting some degree of nudity, I think there is a lot of room in this type of performance to add a little something more and to challenge expectations. As Emerald Ace so rightly put it:

"Whenever I question myself I remember why I fell in love with burlesque: because a performer is the writer, director, costumier, star of the show, music selector and all round auteur. Very few other media give one individual so much creative control and if you don't like the direction your work is going in you have much more freedom to mold it that in other disciplines."

In addition, I have also decided that my burlesque persona needs to be less cutesy and more kick ass, but wasn't sure that was possible with the name I'd chosen until I read about 77-year-old ju-jitsu black belt lollipop lady Ena Mallett in this morning's Metro. She is living proof that you don't need to be what everyone thinks you should be. Time for me to put away the cheesecake and explore something different. I wonder what the rest of The Rebel Rebels will make of all of this?

Image by Terry Mendoza.

Grace Kelly: Style Icon

What do you do when you want to get out of the house but have no cash for all the things you'd usually spend an evening doing? Well, I was at a loose end on Friday night so asked on Twitter if anyone had any suggestions of free things I could do on that evening. Before long I had an offer from vintage-loving @Sharlie_angel to join her at the V&A, where she's a member, and get into the Grace Kelly exhibition free as her guest. The chance to meet someone I'd been chatting to online, whilst also checking out some beautiful frocks in one of my favourite museums, was just too good an opportunity to resist.

I was slightly disappointed to discover that the exhibition was set in part of the fashion galleries, which always hints to me that it's going to be smaller than most, but we hoped there would still be plenty to see. Once we were inside we were too busy chatting to notice if there were signs directing you round the exhibition in any particular order, so we ended up seeing most of the 'princess' part before the 'actress' dresses, but it didn't necessarily detract from our enjoyment as we both know enough about fashion to be able to identify the decade a garment was made without too much trouble. We drooled over beautiful coat-dresses, delicate hats and stylish sunglasses, marvelled at the fabrics, draping and embroidery, whilst noticing that all her outfits were impeccably stylish no matter what her age when she wore them. Of course, it must have helped being a Hollywood star and then marrying royalty, but many women with her budget still fail to reach the same level of style. Many try though, and owning the same bag is often the first step. The oversized handbag she carried to conceal her baby bump from photographers was soon named after her by Hermès and today the Kelly bag still has the longest waiting list in the world, despite prices starting from around £5,000.

We marvelled at the tiny size of the dresses and were surprised at how much better some of them looked in the photographs, where they were being worn by a real person rather than a mannequin. Kelly certainly had a fondness for particular designers, including Balenciaga and Yves Saint Laurent, and it soon became easy to spot her preferences in what she selected. Proof that, even when she was not being styled for the screen, this was a woman who knew what suited her and knew exactly what she liked. Despite all this, the one dress that really sticks in my mind was the beautiful pale blue frock that she wore in High Society. I haven't seen that movie but, strangely, I don't have a desire to. On leaving the exhibition, all I wanted to do was watch Rear Window again as I was reminded just what a great film it was.

The chances of me ever being as glamorous as Grace Kelly are, quite frankly, slim to none. Hell, I fail to be as well turned out as the gorgoeous Fleur De Guerre on a semi-regular basis, so I very much doubt I could manage the movie star/royalty look even for a special occasion! However, it's inspiring to look at well-made flattering clothes and see just how good they look after all these years. For those of us who can't afford expensive clothes, thanks to the internet we now have a wonderful variety of vintage at our fingertips, with stores like those run by Natasha Bailie and Vintage Secret helping us to create that effortless glamour on a fraction of the budget. Kelly kept the same handbag for years too, proving that selecting a well-made bag in a classic style can be far more frugal than it seems.

The great porn debate

Last night, I was alerted to the existance of an article on pornography that appeared in yesterday's Guardian. This morning I saw it mentioned by someone else I follow on Twitter. The two people who mentioned the article had opposing yet engaging views on it so I was curious as to where I would stand in the debate. As soon as I clicked on the link I saw that it was written by Julie Bindel (as Wikipedia says, you either love her or you hate her), and noticed that she mentions Andrea Dworkin in the first paragraph. As someone who has written about liking porn in the past, this was not shaping up to be something I would necessarily agree with.

The truth about the porn industry tells us about anti-pornography campaigner and author Gail Dines. She explains that the way that porn has changed in recent years is detrimental to young people's relationships with their bodies, their sexuality and each other. I can see her point when she mentions that advances in modern technology mean that porn is now readily available to people at much younger ages than before, and the types of acts which are now commonplace in pornography will be giving young people a rather distorted view of what goes on in the adult world. As I do not know anyone who is currently a teenager or who has grown up with such easy access to hardcore action, I can't begin to think of how this could be affecting people who have yet to reach the age of 20, but I am also well aware that an article by a reasonably radical feminist about a very radical feminist is not really going to include an alternative viewpoint for balance. Still, I stuck with it and could understand where Dines was coming from until I read this:

"To think that so many men hate women to the degree that they can get aroused by such vile images is quite profound. Pornography is the perfect propaganda piece for patriarchy. In nothing else is their hatred of us quite as clear."

Seriously? Vile images? Isn't that a bit subjective? No wonder many people assume that women who are anti-porn are also anti-sex if they're making statements based on their personal opinions of the images. If you're going to attack the porn industry, don't do it because you don't like what you see - do it because you believe it is having a negative effect on society. Apparently Dines believes that the best way to address the rise of internet pornography is to raise public awareness about its actual content, which sounds fair, but I still fail to believe that all pornography is bad. Not everyone watches extreme pornography. Not everyone who does watch extreme pornography thinks, "next time I get laid, I'm totally going to try doing that without asking first". If young people really are that stupid, then perhaps that's a problem worth addressing with education. As one commenter on Bindel's piece says, this subject is far more complex than Dines' little world of black and white.

Favourite quotations

In my opinion one of the best, yet often one of the most neglected parts of the info section on the Facebook profile page is the bit that asks for your favourite quotations. I have used this section to collect quotes from famous folk, friends, colleagues and acquaintances alike. If it intrigues, inspires or amuses me enough, it goes on the list. I'm not sure what this little collection says about me, but I thought I'd recreate it here for your entertainment.

"I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again." -- Joan Rivers

"If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." -- George Orwell

"I've always said you have to be 51% your own greatest admirer and 49% your greatest critic." -- Rankin

"I think you'll find it says on Wikipedia that Santa's from Barnsley" -- Chris Moyles

"Maybe you've put your faith in spiritual claptrap because our random, narrative-free universe terrifies you. But that's no solution. If you want comforting, suck your thumb. Buy a pillow. Don't make up a load of floaty blah about energy or destiny. This is the real world, stupid. We should be solving problems, not sticking our fingers in our ears and singing about fairies." -- Charlie Brooker on religion

"Email rules all, my friends; if God wanted to get in touch with someone, and if there were a God, he'd use email" -- Mil Millington on not using Facebook messaging

"Bacon is the king of pig meats and pig meat is the food of the gods. Anyone who disagrees is simply wrong. Pork pies. Pig meat and pie. Perfection." -- Dan Arthur

"I firmly believe that, if your job title ends in 'agent' but doesn't start with 'secret', you're a cunt" -- Duncan Rowe

"Listening to Cradle of Filth, reading about child murderers in medieval times and drinking black coffee at the moment. Ideally I'd be doing it by candlelight with a raven perched on my shoulder, as that would be the right aesthetic" -- Beth Anderson

"That's just my smile. It's a curse that it happens to be a bit wicked" -- Elle Bullimore

"Stop smoking, stop drinking, eat healthy, do your taxes, lose weight, start saving, go on holiday. Fucking advertising. Fuck that. I'm gonna sit here, on my (beautiful) ass, eating crap, smoking and getting pissed. Fuck you tv. I will not do as you tell me. Ooooo John Lewis sale..." -- Craig Mackenzie

The burlesque beast

After an incredibly lacklustre performance the other week, I have once again been pondering my future on the burlesque stage. I'd agreed to help out another troupe member who was trying to come up with a piece for a pirate-and-showgirl-themed private party, and the ideas really weren't flowing. In the end we came up with something quickly, had only a couple of nights of rehearsal and, though neither of us were 100% happy with what we'd created, we didn't want to let our friends down by pulling out of the show so went ahead with it. The performance was fun and comical, but that aspect was perhaps lost on many of the audience though due to it hinging on a reference to the long-running UK kids tv show Blue Peter! In the end, it was just two girls larking around and taking their clothes off.

I read a review of the evening which said that the cabaret performances ranged from excellent to extremely dubious and, as our act was the only one the reviewer didn't go on to list individually, I can only assume that ours was the dodgy one. This annoyed me because... well, she was right. I'm not sure if it was the idea itself or the minimal rehearsal time, but I don't think I'd want to perform that piece again. Ever. The only act I've been proud of so far is the 'suffragette to disillusioned voter' one I did before the general election to the Muse song, Uprising. Sadly I can't perform it very often due to it being so topical, and also no-one shot a video of it, but at least this may force me to come up with something else I like rather than simply going back to the old tried and tested acts.

The main thing bothering me at the moment though is do I really want to do this and, if so, why? Kitty Stryker recently posted on her blog* about her despair for the state of burlesque in London and stirred up a whole host of emotions that I've been bottling up on the subject. OK, so not everyone wants to see fake-blood-soaked zombie burlesque in the same way that feather fans and glittertits can become dull, but it does look like it's much easier to find some variety in the performers in San Francisco than it is in the UK. At first it made me cross that Kitty described the London scene as boring, but then I realised that she's right. I enjoy seeing hot girls take their clothes off on stage, a lot, but even I hanker for something different after seeing several very similar acts in one night. Aside from private events and a handful of fantastic individual performances at various places from Torture Garden to 'Passion' at Earls Court, only a particularly warped evening at The Double-R Club truly fulfilled my burlesque and cabaret needs.

So you know what this means? I think I have to sit down and work out why the hell I'm doing it. If my liking of burlesque is simply due to a desire to be creative then I should focus on that, carefully working on my own ideas, to my own timescales and then performing them when and where I feel is appropriate. If I like what I've created then, to be honest, I don't care what other people think of it. However, if I'm only doing it to get lots of attention and flash my tits in public, I need to have a re-think. A serious re-think. To paraphrase Alicia Silverstone's character in Clueless, I'd need a makeover of my soul.

Image by Laura Jung.

*This has some rather adult content in places, but the post I've linked to is pretty much safe for work, if you don't mind your co-workers seeing pics of boylesque performers on your screen.

Cosmopolitan Blog Awards 2010

Last week I was excited to receive an invitation to the launch of the Cosmopolitan Blog Awards 2010. I was unsure whether the person compiling the invite list has stumbled across Rarely Wears Lipstick or whether they'd read my posts over at BitchBuzz, but either way I was curious to find out more so I checked with my boss that I could come in a bit late on the day and then RSVP'd. What was it all about and why were they doing it? Well, I found out this morning at The Future Gallery.

I arrived before 9am to find a collection of effortlessly stylish, immaculately dressed fashionistas gathered outside and instantly felt out of place in my retro dress, with my 35-year-old eyes hidden behind a rather old pair of sunglasses. I needn't have worried though as, once I got chatting to people inside, I discovered that there was a real mix of bloggers there, including lovely folk from great sites like Mr Paparazzi, Uplift, Sticky Lips, Domestic Sluttery and My Fashion Life. Once we'd had some breakfast and mingled a little, Justine Southall, the Publishing Director for Cosmo, introduced herself and gave us a little background. Cosmopolitan is the largest women's magazine brand with 62 editions worldwide and has been running for 38 years in the UK. Famous for talking to women about intimate subjects, Cosmo have always had a strong readership community which became even more important with the expansion of the brand onto the internet. Now that their website is such a core part of their brand, Pat McNulty, the acting editor at cosmopolitan.co.uk, explained to us why they have decided to start the blog awards.

They know their readers love blogs and that they have their must-read sites which they read daily, but Cosmo want to find more for them. They want to find blogs their readers will love and also discover new writing talent, so are asking bloggers to spread the word and get their readers to nominate their favourites. The categories are: sex & relationships, beauty, fashion & style, e-tailer, lifestyle, gadget tech, news & current affairs, celebrity, plus a special award for a new fashion blogger. Shortlists of five will be drawn up by the Cosmopolitan team in each of the categories and the winners will be announced at the end of August. All sounds great but in the rush to collect my wonderful goodie bag (see photo) I forgot to ask when the nominations form would be online! Seems odd to launch something and not have it ready straight away, but no amount of Googling has returned the results I wanted. As soon as I find the form I shall let you know but, in the meantime, get thinking on who you'll nominate. I already have a rather long list.

UPDATE: The nomination form is now live. Looks like you can only nominate once though (per IP address at least) so think carefully!