Record Breakers

There's not much that can get me out of bed and into central London before 10am on a Bank Holiday Monday, but I may have found just the thing. Would I like to win a 5-night holiday for two to Las Vegas? Er, yes please! What do I have to do for a chance of a week of more sparkle than I can physically handle? Apparently I just have to join an attempt to break the World Record for the Largest Burlesque Dance. OK, so it's a big publicity stunt for that movie and Virgin Holidays, but could actually be rather a fun day, weather permitting.

If you fancy coming along, it's on Monday 3rd January 2011 and you will need to register between 09.00 and 09.30 in the ballroom at The Grand, 8 Northumberland Avenue (next to Trafalgar Square, nearest tube Piccadilly Circus, Charing Cross or Embankment). The day will then kick off with a photoshoot in Trafalgar Square. The record attempt will be filmed for online publicity and they say 'dress to impress', so I'm hoping it's a hell of a lot warmer then than it is today! What are the chances of that though, eh? All participants will be required to perform a simple 5 minute routine which will be taught beforehand in a burlesque masterclass with choreographer Sharon Kay from Burlesque Baby. For more information and to take part, email virginholidays@launchgroup.co.uk

Image via Virgin Holidays' Facebook page.

Fashion shoots and controversy

The Vigilant Citizen has, this weekend, flagged up a 'disturbing' photoshoot for Paris Vogue which uses child models. Whether or not featuring children in photographs for a women's fashion magazine is appropriate, I'm not sure that I would describe the images as disturbing. Photographers and the magazines they work for like to find a theme – often something many people would describe as daring and edgy – to differentiate themselves from others and to make it more interesting than just shooting women wearing clothes. Many photographers have had fashion stories published that are thought-provoking and controversial but, while it's great to start a debate, in a commercial world it's the shock value that counts as it gets people talking and buying more copies of the magazine.

Corinne Day's Under-exposure shoot for British Vogue in 1993 provoked a storm of controversy because the images of skinny 19-year-old Kate Moss in underwear were seen to encourage eating disorders. David LaChapelle always appears to court controversy with his celebrity portraits – who can forget his shoot with Britney Spears for Rolling Stone in 1999? – but his fashion photography can be just as shocking. One particularly memorable image, entitled 'Birth of a Shoe' was shot for Paris Vogue in 1995 and features a sanitised birth scene where the 'mother' is wearing high-heeled sandals. Rankin has shot models as if they were fashionable corpses (I assume these images were for Dazed & Confused, but I can't find any more details on this).

These images will survive as art far longer than the clothes they were created to promote will be remembered. Whether the intent was to shock or simply to follow an artistic vision that was different from the fashion norm, the fact stands that these are the fashion images we remember. French Vogue are no strangers to controversy. Last year they published a shoot with Dutch model Lara Stone blacked up, which caused rather a storm on the internet. They have clearly decided that people screaming 'ban this sick filth' or similar is actually good for their circulation.

In my opinion, the images featuring kids are not sexy. The girls look like they have raided an older woman's wardrobe and are simply playing at being vacant-looking models for a fashion magazine. If there was an agenda for this fashion story, other than trying to find a way to shoot the clothes that hasn't already been done hundreds of times before, I can only imagine it was to see how much shock and outrage they could generate.

Image via Paris Vogue.

Burlesque: is the end nigh?

From the title of this post, I expect regular readers will wonder if this is yet another piece where I ponder whether my burlesque alter ego should be retired. This time, however, my worries are somewhat larger. Once the country has seen Christina Aguilera in the movie Burlesque, I fear that the good stuff may lose its market altogether. I found some Burlesque movie tie-in hosiery in Debenhams last week (see image), and then I heard that Aguilera performed a song from the film on this weekend's X-Factor final show (causing a great deal of complaints from Daily Mail readers in the process). So, how long before this is the image associated with burlesque in the minds of the majority of the UK population? This screams cabaret to me, far more than it hints at burlesque.

If promoters veer towards the choreographed dance numbers and glittertits version of burlesque that this movie champions, what's going to happen to the sort of creativity that brought us Diva Hollywood's The Evolution of Women, Marianne Cheesecake as Charlie Chaplin, and Mysti Vine's filthily funny V-stume? There is a market for both, but I think using the same label for these two types of performance could be somewhat confusing for the potential audience. It seems more like Aguilera's starring in 'Showgirls 2010' but, of course, I can't really comment until I've seen it so a review will follow. Whatever the future holds for burlesque though, there is one good thing about this mainstream interest... it's sparking some intelligent debate (albeit only in The Guardian so far).

Abnormal smear worries

Some time ago, I went for my routine cervical smear test and the results came back showing that there were mild changes to some of the cells. This is nothing to worry about as, when you go for regular check-ups, any changes are usually picked up so early that they're definitely not cancerous, but I was invited back for more regular checks to keep an eye on it and see if things returned to normal. A year later, instead of the usual three, I returned and the result came back the same - mild changes. I forget the specifics now, as it was quite a while ago, but I think that was when I was first sent to the hospital for a colposcopy. This was something that became a rather regular thing, and often included a small biopsy so that cells could be taken to a lab for further analysis, so I soon became able to shrug off all but the wasted time traipsing to/from the hospital and waiting while I was there. I managed to stay relaxed and mostly worry-free throughout all this, with only a single appointment with a replacement doctor (who was astoundingly rough) when my usual gynaecologist was away managing to get me down.

When pre-cancerous changes were picked up by these routine checks, LLETZ treatment was recommended to remove the offending cells and so an appointment for that was booked. Although It was quick and painless, I was left feeling sick to my stomach due to my body's reaction to losing a small unseen chunk of itself, combined with the ever so slight smell of burning flesh. Horrid though it sounds, it was an incredibly minor procedure so recovery was fast, and my annual smears continued until a normal result was confirmed. Now I am back on the 3-year routine.

When this all began I had no idea what to expect but, when I told my friends, I discovered that some of them had been through the same thing. The amazing thing was that they didn't need to reassure me that it would all be OK, because the calm way they talked about it all told me all I needed to know. The NHS procedures that are in place to check for cervical cancer are amazing and, as long as you go for your regular smear tests when you get the letter through, any problems will be caught so early that they really aren't problems at all. The fact that I can't remember many of the details of my own experience says a lot. So ladies, if the results of your smear come back as anything other than normal, unless the doctors tell you otherwise, there really is nothing to worry about. Just relax and don't miss an appointment - it'll be sorted before you know it.

The problems of bra sizing

The problem I find with with bras is that I don't really know what size I take. It's not that I'm wearing the wrong size because I haven't measured myself, it's just that the current sizing system is confusing and there's no real way of knowing if the size you think you are will fit in every shop. However, it looks like I am not alone. A number of boutique lingerie brands have begun talking about the problems they face when discussing bra sizing with retailers, and also with their online customers. There is quite a variety in women's clothes sizing (lingerie especially), but these brands have a sneaking suspicion that there might be more than one bra sizing system in use in the UK alone.

Catherine from Kiss Me Deadly says that: "Boutique brands in the UK tend to use a method standardised some decades ago. This involves measuring under the bust, then adding 4 or 5 inches and basing the band size on that, then working out the cup size based on the difference between the band size and the overbust measurement. Obviously, its not an exact science, but that's where we start as a guide. We're finding, though, that that is tending to give people a larger band size and smaller cup size than they sometimes think they are. Its very confusing for people. We'd like to help."

Being a former psychologist, Catherine has a firm belief that statistics are helpful, and has managed to convince other designers that collecting measurements would be a good idea, so they've set out to get as many women as possible using a tape measure. Catherine says, "It won't be the worlds most scientific bit of data gathering, but we'd really like to get some idea of some numbers and how it all fits together."

If you'd like to help out and do the survey, you can take it via a number of different brands websites - Kiss Me Deadly, Playful Promises, Ayten Gasson, or What Katie Did - and they're offering a choice of discount codes or prize draw entries to tempt you all into taking part (these will be active until January). They're also all using their surveys to ask a few key questions to help develop their brands and customer service in general, so it's a great chance to tell them anything that's on your mind if you've shopped with them before. So, why not become part of something that may change the way bras are sized in the future? At the very least, it may make it a damn sight easier to order one online that fits. I, for one, will be eagerly awaiting the survey results.

Images are via the aforementioned Kiss Me Deadly, Playful Promises, Ayten Gasson and What Katie Did.

Winter Wonderland

Yesterday I arrived home feeling the most festive I have felt in a long time. Usually I don't really have much seasonal spirit, reserving any excitement for the minimum-work maximum-food delights of Doctor Who Day itself, but yesterday grabbed me like an annoying Mr Hankey and forced me to comply with its festive demands. Christmas decorations were being hung in the office throughout the afternoon, with pretty baubles dangling from the strip-light diffusers and fairy lights twinkling by the end of the day, whilst the one and only Xmas album to bring a smile to my face played on the CD player. (I now cannot hear santa doing the mambo without thinking of a certain Honey Schnapps' festive performance last year!) Then, at the end of the working day, I headed off to meet a friend at Hyde Park for a spot of ice skating in the Winter Wonderland.

When this was booked, I had visions of Elle and I daintily whizzing round the ice wearing something pretty like Vacant's Snowflake Dress, a long white wooly scarf and matching ear muffs. However, the reality was rather different. When we made plans, the weather was pleasantly chilly, but this week we have had some of the coldest weather so far this year so wrapping up warm was far more important than looking glamorous, even for me. We circled the ice time and time again in our many layers, chatting as we went, hoping to eventually remember how to pick up speed without losing our balance. Eventually, we gave up and headed for the nearest place selling hot chocolate in order to thaw out a tad. Thankfully, this particular winter adventure turned out to not be nearly as cold as I'd feared. After a wander around the pretty market stalls and beautifully lit fairground rides, we decided to head to a pub (sadly one that had sold out of mulled wine!) before trekking home through the snow. All my week needs now is a mince pie or two and I'll be just about ready to put up the Nightmare Before Christmas Tree!

Second image by Vacant.