Things that make me smile

Spring is here and we're all happy. Well, spring was here last week and now it seems like the UK weather has returned to a more wintery state, but the start of British Summer Time always brings with it a new bunch of smiles, even if they can be harder to maintain on a grey day. To help restore the cheer to my day whenever I need it, I decided last week that I should start a list of arbitrary things that make me smile. So far my list is small, but everything on it gives me a feeling - however small - that makes me glad to be alive. So far I have: yellow flowers, the Citroën DS, marching bands, the River Thames, buttons, changing gear, nice stationery, the work of Antony Gormley, analogue photography, rhubarb crumble and custard.

125 Years of Celebrating Women

My mother had a turquoise halter-neck Triumph bikini in the 1970s that my sister and I found one day in the 1990s, stashed away in bags of old clothes we were rummaging through in the attic. We spent a long time trying to convince mum that she should give it to one of us as she'd probably never wear it again, but she wouldn't let go of it. That's how good the brand made her feel... the memories of how great she felt wearing that bikini were so vivid that she insisted on keeping it as a memento. Seems like Triumph have been making women feel good about their bodies for a while now, as it's their 125th anniversary this year and they are celebrating in style.

The Triumph Inspiration Award (TIA) is a global lingerie design competition dedicated to challenging the creative talent of young Fashion & Contour Design students around the world and, in honour of Triumph's 125 year anniversary, the theme for this year is "125 Years of Celebrating Women". The final 20 designs from students at the London College of Fashion and De Montfort University in Leicester have now been unveiled for the online UK voting, and these designs will then be judged by a panel of celebrity and fashion experts during a catwalk showcase at the Triumph Inspiration Award UK Final in London on 31st March. The UK winner will go onto compete against 36 other international finalists at the global TIA final in Berlin in July. So, even if they don't win, they'll certainly get some good exposure for starting their career as a designer! There are some very beautiful pieces in the final selection and I wish all of the designers luck for the future. Perhaps one of them will go on to design another bikini that makes you feel so good you will keep it forever?

Image, via Triumph, of Tribal Heritage by Basma Masri for TIA.

Real women don't exist

We hear lots of talk about 'real' women these days. Folk moan that magazines don't use images of 'real' women, labels don't design for them, and that they're having a hard time coping in a world full of supposedly perfect (I'm guessing 'unreal'?) models, actresses and assorted celebrities. However, in their attempts to right these supposed wrongs, many people are actually making it worse by alienating an awful lot of the women they are championing. Real women all have curves, apparently. Well, I know plenty of most-certainly 100% real* women who don't. I know short, tall, curvy, straight, fat, thin, toned, squishy, flat-chested and large-breasted women. My friends, colleagues and acquaintances come in all shapes and sizes. Whether or not they fit any stereotype, they are all women and they are most definitely all real. Hell... even models are real people too. So, can we please stop all this nonsense now?

* By this I mean "being or occurring in fact or actuality; having verifiable existence". I'm certainly not questioning anyone's gender.

Help needed

Sometimes the people you love need help to get them through emotionally tricky times, but this isn't always as easy to provide as you might think. All caring friends are willing to listen to problems and offer advice, but occasionally things become too much for a non-professional to fix - so how do you continue to provide support when it becomes clear that you don't really know how? Listening non-judgementally is the trickiest thing when you're speaking to someone close, as you're probably going to be slightly biased in some way, but is it still possible to help out? I like to think it is.

The solutions I've found online cover active listening, encouraging the seeking of professional help, and encouraging self-help strategies - including exercise, relaxation, meditation, support groups and spending more time with friends/family - but it all seems to be quite specifically aimed at certain issues. Where do you go for advice on how to deal with any and every emotional crisis? Will all suggestions work in all cases? Whatever the underlying reasons for needing support, it's often easier to do in person and that's not always a luxury we have these days. In these days of keeping in touch relatively publicly via Twitter and Facebook, a personal email, text message or even a phone call can mean a lot. However, I'm still wondering if there's anything else I can do, other than simply saying "I'm here for you if/when you need me".

Six years red

In the springtime of 2005, a blonde girl called Lori decided it was finally time for the red hair she'd always dreamed of. After the disappointment of previous attempts using natural looking shades, she planned to attack her locks using a vibrant shade of L'Oreal Feria and vowed to use Comic Relief's Red Nose Day as a cover story if it all went wrong. The night before, she covered the kitchen in a plastic dust sheet - being used to blonde hair dye, she figured more space and stain prevention was perhaps required this time - and set about transforming herself. Thankfully it all went well, and her team at work raised a fair amount for Comic Relief the following day with their newly redheaded team member standing out like a beacon in the office.

Six years on and I'm still red. The extremely vibrant shade I chose that time was extremely tricky to maintain, and so a portion of those years was spent trying many different dark reds - some of which looked disappointingly brown, looking back - until I found the Schwarzkopf Live XXL range I use today. It says Hypnotic Red on the box and it certainly seems to mesmerise people, so I can't imagine being any other colour now. If you are also a fan of Red Lori, redheads in general or even if you dye your own hair red, why not donate a little bit of cash to the cause that spurred me on all those years ago? Every little bit helps and the money will go to many good causes in the UK and overseas.

Return of the mac

A couple of years ago, I spotted a beautiful coat on the Dollydagger site. It was a gorgeous full skirted mac that was available in the sort of bright red that I love, however, it was a bit more expensive than I would have liked. I pondered splashing out and getting one, but my sensible side took over and so I decided to wait and see if it appeared in the sale. It never did and as soon as that coat disappeared from the site, I suddenly became desperate to own one. It was perfect. My current spring/autumn coat is a boxy red mac that my mum found in the Debenhams sale for a fiver and passed on to me, because my dad pointed out to her that she already had a red coat. It's been very useful to own at certain times of year but it does look rather shabby so, with the Dollydagger coat out of reach, I began the hunt for a new mac all over again.

Much as I wanted a red one, the full-skirted style was the most important thing so, when I stumbled across this navy trench coat by Topshop, I once again began to ponder. It's almost as expensive as the Dollydagger mac, but isn't red... was it what I was after and, in addition, was it worth the money? I discussed my potential purchase on Facebook and the general consensus seemed to be that Topshop's quality was good enough to justify the price. So, today I popped into the Oxford Circus shop, found a lovely member of staff to help me locate the coat - more difficult than you would think in a store of that size! - and spent at least five minutes in front of the mirror in the changing room trying to decide whether or not to buy it. My conclusion? Well, I just couldn't let it get away from me like the first one.

Have you ever put off buying something for so long that it was no longer available? When you splash out on something, are you pleased with your purchase more often than you regret it? Come on people, I need to know that putting this amount of thought into buying one item isn't unique to me!

Women of the World

There has been lots of inspirational stuff happening this week, due in part to 8th March being International Women's Day, but today sees the start of something really special. The first annual Women of the World Festival Conference has just kicked off at the Southbank Centre in London. All weekend this new festival aims to provide a "joyous celebration of the formidable strength and inventiveness of women". With speakers from across five continents, it brings together amazing stories of triumph, action, challenge and enterprise from girls of 14 to women of 80. Musicians, lawyers, scientists, members of the clergy, journalists, politicians, community activists, gardeners, school girls and cocoa growers share ideas for change. Women's organisations of every persuasion are represented in a great weekend of fierce debate and fantastic fun. Sadly I already had plans for this weekend when the schedule was announced, but I hope to attend next year. If you're going, I hope you find it as inspiring as it sounds!

Sewing a shift dress

When asked what I'd like for Christmas last year, I couldn't really think of much I wanted, but managed to put together a very simple list of small things that would make me smile. One of the items on it was gift vouchers that I could spend at The Make Lounge which, as you may already know from previous blog posts, is one of my favourite places in London. Much to my delight, two lovely people ended up buying me vouchers for Christmas/birthday, so the next step was to choose which Make Lounge offering I most wanted to spend the money on. They have so much to choose from that I didn't really know where to begin! Should I learn a new craft, spend the cash in their shop, or build on my existing sewing skills? The latter was the most tempting and so, when I saw the shift dress workshop, I knew that was the workshop for me. The last time I made something from a shop pattern was during GCSE textiles and it all went rather well, so I know I can do it with a bit of help and support, but this class promised to assist with darts, attaching a lining and also inserting a concealed zip, none of which I'd tackled before.

The workshop itself was split over two evenings and, when we arrived, our lovely tutor Kat pointed out to us that it was a lot to cover in the time we had, but that everyone would leave with the skills required to finish their dress. We'd cover finding the correct size, cutting out our pattern pieces, sewing the darts and initial fitting in the first session, cut and sew the lining pieces at home, then insert the zip and attach the linking in the second class. After that, a little bit of finishing off would be needed at home but we'd be pretty much done. Kat was a friendly and helpful instructor who worked at a speedy pace, but never left any of us behind. Thankfully all who were attending were fully aware that this was an intermediate class and therefore had all the basics, but it's amazing just how much you can puck up just by learning from someone new. I spent some time on my lining during the weekend between sessions, realising the benefit of not rushing things when I realised I'd stitched my side seams inside out so had to unpick and start again. That seam ripper is the most useful thing in my sewing kit sometimes!

At the second class I discovered that inserting a concealed zip is nowhere near as tricky as it seems, and Kat showed extreme dedication to the cause by helping me further adjust my dress at the end of the night. To all you petite-framed ladies out there - make sure you work out how much of a seam allowance to do on shoulder straps yourself, as the pattern is most certainly designed for someone longer in the body. Once you've attached the shoulders, it's a right pain to sort out! With Kat's help, I managed to rescue my little denim dress from the jaws of disaster and have since finished it off at home with some hand-stitching and hemming. You can see the results in the photo above (styled with a sheer blouse as bare arms is not a flattering look on me). Not bad for a few hours of work, eh? I think I might now be ready to tackle the blouse pattern that I have had tucked away somewhere since last year!

The right kind of feminist

The other day I was having a discussion with a man that led to me reminding him that I am a feminist, and him responding with "yes, but you're the right kind of feminist". As far as I know, this is because I'm not radical, an activist or particularly shouty - I just like to offer an alternative point of view when an un-feminist point is raised. But, is this a good or a bad thing? Although being proactive is necessary so people don't forget that feminism is still relevant and that there are still battles to be won, the way we go about getting things done and spreading our message goes a long way towards helping that. Shouting at people and telling them they're wrong isn't always the best way to change opinions and make yourself heard, as most people are far too stubborn for an unfriendly approach to work. However, I feel like I shouldn't approve the notion of a 'right' and 'wrong' sort of feminist as we should be presenting a united front.

Over the last couple of days, the Re-branding Feminism conference has been taking place and stirring up a bit of online debate on whether feminism should be re-branded or simply reclaimed. Although reclaiming 'feminist' from the haters would do some good, and re-branding or renaming to remove the slightly unhelpful 'fem' part, changing the connotations of a word is surely not as immediately useful as, say, obtaining funding for a rape crisis centre. Activism is vital, but I think that awareness can also play a small part. 'Right' or 'wrong' kind of feminist, there is room for us all... and, no, I'm not going to argue about that.

Image by Laura Jung.

On secondary relationships...

I currently have two partners, but describing these relationships to others can often be tricky. It seems logical to call the person I have lived with for over a decade my primary partner, but the accompanying term that I might use to describe the person I have been with since the start of the year, secondary partner, conjures up a few negative connotations. Many people immediately think that secondary means "being of second rank, importance or value". Another popular definition is "depending on or incidental to what is original or primary", which is very much true in this case... but that does not mean that a secondary partner is of lesser importance. There are many reasons for one partner to be called primary - e.g. length of relationship, shared assets, children - and these reasons could mean that particular relationship has to be considered first and foremost when making important decisions regarding the activities of anyone involved.

So, what's in a label? Don't forget that secondary education builds on what is taught during primary education. Where primary gives you the basics, secondary can add value. Secondary education can enhance the primary - adding depth, confidence and fun, but also making sure you truly value what you gained from it. They compliment one another perfectly. My own secondary partner recently described primary relationships as being the foundations on which other relationships rest. You can build your house any way you want, but every part is just as important. So, if I use the term 'secondary partner', I don't mean 'second best'... I'm just being linguistically tidy.

Image via Spitefully's Flickr photostream.