Stop Traffic Clothing

I can't remember when I first found out about Stop Traffic Clothing, but the first time I really fell for their gorgeous range of retro clothes was at Coquette at Kettner's earlier this year. Seeing a selection of the Bettie Page, Stop Staring and Miss Fortune dresses and getting lots of help from their lovely staff meant that, before long, I'd made a purchase. That cute little sailor dress turned a lot of heads this summer! However, my wish list of other gorgeous items on their site just got longer, as they have a few new arrivals, including more vintage-inspired super slinky dresses by US brand Stop Staring. The photo is of my favourite dress from their selection - the Blondie dress in black. I've only just started to believe that Caitlin Moran was right when she said that leopard-print is a neutral, and now I just can't take my eyes off this gorgeous frock.

The reason Stop Traffic Clothing popped back onto my radar is I found out they're launching a competition with The Powder Room that has a rather fantastic prize. It launches tomorrow (1st November), will run for two months and is appropriately entitled 'Begin the New Year in Style'. The prize includes a signed copy of Katie Reynold's new book Style Me Vintage: Make-up, a vintage make-over at The Powder Room in Soho and £150 to spend online at Stop Traffic Clothing. That's enough to splash out on the 40s-inspired Newport dress! To enter, just email your full name and telephone number to sales@stoptrafficclothing.com. The competition ends on 31st December 2011 and the winner will be chosen at random on 2nd January 2012. (The prize is non transferable.) Do let me know if you win, as I'd love to see a photo of your glamorous new look for 2012.

Competition time: Goodie bag winner

Thanks very much to everyone who entered this week's competition to win a Sh! goodie bag. Once more, I recruited the perfect judge to look through your entries. Chantal Younis is a big fan of Sh! stores, was the driving force behind the oh-so-naughty charity event Barelesque and is a west London lady, so who better to look at who you'd like to visit Sh! Portobello with? I should have asked who she'd like to visit the store with!

The winner is Abby Chicken. She told me that, "I would take myself - because I am fucking worth it (or so my therapist tells me)! Failing that, I would take Houdini, and show him how a real woman ties knots". I don't know which part appealed most to our judge, but I have to say that both made me smile. Clair gets a special mention too as taking a vanilla partner along to introduce them to new things is a great way to think about Sh! Thanks again to everyone who entered. I hope to bump into you at one of the Sh! stores sometime soon.

Feminism Friday: Body image workshop?

As an end to my week of body-related posts, I thought I'd mention a rough idea that's been knocking around in my head recently. I know many women who are comfortable with the way they look, and many others have an issue with their body. What if one group could help the other? I am considering creating a workshop to try and help women who need some body confidence... but am also wondering if I am perhaps oversimplifying a rather thorny issue.

My basic concept as it stands right now would involve a cozy and private location, friendly introductions, a group discussion on the issues everyone feels they are facing, some trying on of clothes (to analyse how they fit and also the suitability of styles), a discussion about how size is just a number, and something at the end to help steer everyone in a new direction. Baring as much as you dare might work - whichever body part bothers you most or even down to your undies - if the group is working well together, or perhaps simply some compliment giving. I hated my knees until Mademoiselle Robot pointed out to me that everyone's knees look like that! Sometimes small things can make a difference.

Is this something worth trying, or is it perhaps best left to the experts?

Review: Barelesque

On Wednesday 12th October, the Royal Vauxhall Tavern played host to a raucous bunch of ladies who, along with their friends, were hoping to raise lots of money for LGBT homeless charity the Albert Kennedy Trust. As I mentioned last month, I was delighted to be chosen as one of those girls by the main organiser, Chantal Younis. I so rocked up to the venue mid-afternoon in order to take part in the rehearsals for the second part of the show... the lingerie auction. Upstairs at the RVT was a blur of lace, satin, corsets and naked flesh as the performers and models jostled for space, so I grabbed the Playful Promises bra that my burlesque alter-ego Miss Lolly Pops had been allocated and then headed back downstairs to find the stage manager, Sarah Cook.

The line up of performers was very impressive. Burlesque bad girl Honey Schnapps started the evening as a gentleman who transforms into a whirling she-devil, and then we just kept on whirling! Opera diva Michelle Crozier stunned us all with a rather dominant Carmen, and British Heart invited quite a lot of audience participation for his cheeky burlesque performance. Ernesto Sarezale charmed us all with some divine naked poetry, and that was after Alison Brumfitt had used poetry and some melted chocolate to tell us why she thinks sex is far far better than anything made by Cadbury. Yes, nudity and smut was very much on the menu for the evening so the two saucy performances from Rubyyy Jones fitted right in. Not only did we get to see her Erotic Award nominated act "I Wanna B", but she also debuted a fantastic new piece in front of the Barelesque audience. Burlesque based on Skype sex in skinny jeans? Inspired!

After all of the wonderful performances, a super-quick sale of Rubyyy Jones' delicious cuntcakes, and a bit of a clean up that was needed after Ms Brumfitt and British Heart's rather messy acts, it was time for our host - the outrageous Mat Fraser - to get the crowd ready to part with even more of their money. It was time for the lingerie auction! There were ten models for this part of the show, each taking the characters of one of the infamous Seven Deadly Sins or the three virtues: Faith, Hope and Charity. I opened this part of the show with Miss Lolly Pops' interpretation of Hope - a cheerful jaunt through the audience to the stage, offering sweeties as I went. Once I was standing in my undies under the bright lights Mat started the bidding and, before long, I was leaving the stage bra-less but having done my bit for charity. I hope the barman wasn't too sad to have lost out in the bidding war!

I was followed by a super-sleepy Sloth in Sh! pants, Avarice and Greed in more Playful Promises skimpies (not always worn in the most conventional way!), Envy in Kiss Me Deadly knickers, Charity who wanted to give away "All of Me", and Wrath who frightened the hell out of everyone in an electric blue Vollers corset from Sh! plus a rather impressive and x-rated 'accessory'. Every woman left the stage rather more naked than she started and, much to the delight of the representatives of the charity, every item that was auctioned off seemed to raise more and more money.

In the final part of the auction, MC Sexpest told everyone "you can't touch this" and had a bit of help from Honey Schnapps to illustrate this point. Mat Fraser went the extra mile to help sell the goodies that this particular sin was wearing so big thanks to him for that one. Just when we thought that none of us had any energy or money left, the final two models helped to get us excited all over again. Everyone reached out and touched a rather delectable Faith as she was carried to the stage to the sound of Marilyn Manson, and then we were seduced by the delicious Chantal as everyone's favourite sin, Lust. An amazing night was had by all and we definitely left with lighter wallets and purses than when we went in because a total of £2,476.18 was raised by Barelesque for the Albert Kennedy Trust! There's going to be another in six months time. Hope to see you there!

These images from Barelesque of Alison Brumfitt, Rubyyy Jones, British Heart, Miss Lolly Pops and Ana Morphic were taken by Echo Moss.

Exploring with Sacred Pleasures

There are many aspects to sex that the majority of people are unaware of and so never fully explore. Because society has taught us that sex is "naughty", many people fail to look further than intercourse with a few positions and a couple of toys and, while this works fine for many, for some people it's not quite enough. Some folk feel that sex means something more to them and so want to look further than the mainstream. If this sounds like you, how do you go about exploring new things? There are some practices - e.g tantra, BDSM - which can add to your knowledge of your own sexuality and help you derive more pleasure from it. If you are unsure where to start learning, let me introduce you to Sacred Pleasures which is a sex-positive space for personal growth in London, helping people explore their sexuality via events and taught workshops.

Coming up next month is something of a crash course, offering attendees a little taster of lots of things covered by Sacred Pleasures. Pleasure Portals takes place in Whitechapel on Wednesday evenings in November (2nd, 9th, 16th, 23rd) and offers you a chance to "add some extra juice to your fantastic sex life". If you've ever wondered what tantra's all about, or have fancied weaving some BDSM into your erotic play, Rebecca Lowrie, London Faerie and Claire Black will use these four fun-filled evenings to introduce you to the main aspects of conscious sexuality. Each evening is designed to give you a safe taste of something new in the hope of deepening and expanding your sexual potential.

Another offering for beginners is Pleasure Parlour No. 5 "Arousing Words" which takes place in east London on Sunday 20th November, 2.30pm to 8pm. If you've ever fancied writing erotica and don't know where to start, this workshop could be for you. As the Sacred Pleasures website points out, "seductive stories have a way of stirring up our deepest desires and passions" so writing really could be a way of finding out more about yourself and enhancing your sex life. This event will be hosted by Rebecca Lowrie and London Faerie, with published erotica author Scarlett French helping you to write your own titillating tales, elegant erotica or sensual smut. I shall be attending this workshop and hope to create something that I can perhaps share on this blog. Maybe I'll see some of you there?

Images via Sacred Pleasures.

The Alternative A-to-Z of Sex: Manual

M is for manual... and I'm not talking about an instruction book. Manual stimulation is considered by some to be a solo act and so is often overlooked as part of sex with a partner. Whether it's for foreplay or penetration, hands can take us to a whole new level. Use your fingers to explore how your partner feels and responds to your touch, changing your strokes from soft to firm and back again. You can be playful or sensual using tickles, scratches, tenderness and spanks to excite and tease. Hands can administer pain or pleasure all by themselves. They can slap, pinch, stroke or rub. Chose any part of your partner's body to focus your attentions - don't just stick to obvious erogenous zones - and don't be afraid to move around a bit. Use your imagination rather than a checklist. After all, changing gear is much more fun than driving an automatic.

Image via Tim Snell's Flickr photostream.

Competition time: It's oh so quiet... Sh!

Ladies of London! Have you heard about the Sh! Women’s Erotic Emporium yet? If not, where the devil have you been hiding? In the days before the opening of this delightful den dedicated to female sexual pleasure, adult shops were either men only affairs (dark, seedy and full of nasty graphic gadgets and magazines), or cheap 'n' cheerful with tacky hen-party stock. Sh! was the first boutique-style erotic shop in the country and remains the only one that is 100% female owned and run. Bringing pleasure to the women of east London since 1992, Sh! spread its wings and opened a second branch on Portobello Road in the summer of 2010. So, if you live in west London, there's really no excuse not to pay them a visit.

Sh! was founded with the aim of offering women and couples a welcoming safe place in which to buy quality erotic products. They provide receive good honest advice along with top service and a cuppa whilst you browse. To ensure the female-friendly environment for which they are well known, men are asked to visit accompanied by a woman or during "Gents Nite", which is held every Tuesday evening in both stores. Sh! sell everything from organic massage oils, candles, games and lubricants, to more rather more racy items. However, as they aim to offer a more discerning range of boudoir products, even the most hardcore of the toys they sell are stylish, sensual and distinctly non-offensive.

One wall of the Portobello store is devoted to quality lingerie from the likes of Playful Promises and Vollers, whilst another area is devoted to books which cover all aspects of women’s sexuality, health and erotic fiction. There's even a suede lounge-chair for really decadent browsing! Central to the west London shop are the "playthings that purr", a collection tasteful vibrators with prices to suit everyone. Each is has a fully charged display model and playing with them is actively encouraged. If you need help deciding, the friendly Sh! Girlz know all there is to know about the stock so don't be afraid to ask.

One of the things I like most about Sh! is that the core of their ethos is education. They want women to feel able to explore their sexuality freely and with the appropriate knowledge. To help you, each product in store is displayed with a "toy tag" which provides useful information such as what the toy is designed for, what it's made of, sound/intensity levels, battery requirements etc. In addition to this, the terribly tactful Sh Girlz are trained to guide even the most nervous shopper with sensitivity, personalised advice and honest recommendations. Plus... I haven't even mentioned their wonderful classes yet! I'm attending one of these this Wednesday, so will save that delicious detail for another post.

In the meantime, I'm sure you'll be delighted to hear that the lovely ladies at Sh! have offered one of their goodie bags - including a Sh! Bullet, Sh! LurveHeart, Lush Touch Massage Oil, Lush Lube 250ml and Lush Refresh Toy Cleaner - to one lucky Rarely Wears Lipstick reader. To be in with a chance of winning, all you have to do is leave a comment on this post telling me who you would like to visit the Sh! Portobello store with, and why. It can be someone real or fictional, a lover, friend, celebrity or historical figure... use your imagination! You have until 5.30pm on Friday, when I shall pass the stories on to my deliciously saucy competition judge who will pick a winner. Don't forget to make sure you leave an email address so that I can get in touch to tell you if you've won. Good luck!

Feminism Friday: Beyond equality

Feminists always argue that, to a certain extent, gender inequality still exists. There is still a significant pay gap in many countries and violence against women is a big problem, plus we are being increasingly made to feel as though our own bodies are a battleground. The fight is not yet over. However, today I had my attention drawn to an article by Hanna Rosin for The Atlantic magazine, entitled The End of Men. In it, Rosin discusses how the historical preference for male children has changed radically in recent years, and ponders whether our modern post-industrial society is actually better suited to women. She says:

"Man has been the dominant sex since, well, the dawn of mankind. But for the first time in human history, that is changing—and with shocking speed. Cultural and economic changes always reinforce each other. And the global economy is evolving in a way that is eroding the historical preference for male children, worldwide [...] What if the modern, postindustrial economy is simply more congenial to women than to men?"

Perhaps things will change sooner than we think. Now that more women that ever before are better educated and in employment, can we really look to a future we have a matriarchy? If so, would that be any better than how we currently live, or would it simply be a case of "same old sexism: different victim"? If society could let go of traditional male stereotypes and allow men to fit into this post-industrial world of ours without ridicule, I think we'd be on the right track. I don't want to see what's beyond equality. Something tells me it might not be as good as some of us think.

Vivien of Halloween!

It's no secret that I love Vivien of Holloway clothing. When I first discovered their 1950s style dresses at the start of my vintage/retro obsession, I thought I'd struck gold. Using adapted 1950s patterns and making the same garment in many fabrics has meant that they will always feature on my wishlist. After all, if it fits, why not get one in every colour that suits you? I have a couple of their wonderfully cute and comfy gypsy tops, which are perfect for a spot of glamorous lounging around, and I also have a gorgeous VoH circle dress which has now been worn so often that it's no longer saved for 'best'. In fact, that's the Vivien of Holloway dress I wore for my photoshoot with Rankin. Quite frankly, after all that wear and tear, I think I deserve a new one!

However, there are just so many to choose from on the site that it's rather tricky to know where to start. My pear-shaped figure means that full-skirted dresses are definitely the way to go so, despite the fact I'll never fit into the stunning blue gold dragon sarong dress, at least that helps to narrow down my options slightly. The cupcake blue circle dress would go well with the petticoats I already own, I've always wanted a polka-dot one (especially this adorable multi-coloured frock), and now they have a ladybird print fabric too! And they do that pattern in their fantastic new day dress shape too. But, first things first... Halloween is fast approaching and that means parties. Why spend your hard-earned cash on an ill-fitting fancy dress costume when you could get a gorgeous Vivien of Holloway frock to wear again and again?

There are plenty of styles on the site which are available in plain black (cotton or satin). When combined with a pointy black hat these are perfect for that glamorous 'pin-up witch' look, as illustrated by the devilish Anna Fur Laxis, but they can also be worn all year round with more traditional accessories. If you fancy something a bit more eye-catching, there are a few prints that would do rather well at this time of year too: check out the classic pirate fabric (who doesn't love pirates, right?), the luxury twinkle of starlights, or perhaps the rather more alternative Day of the Dead pattern. However, if you're always up for celebrating Halloween and would no doubt thing of many other reasons to wear your new frock, they also have purple and red satin spider-web dresses too!

If that's not enough, enter the code VOH_Lipstick11 at the checkout when you make your purchase from the Vivien of Holloway online store and you'll get a special 10% Rarely Wears Lipstick discount. The offer's valid until 30th November 2011, so you can even use it to get yourself a Christmas party outfit too.

The Alternative A-to-Z of Sex: Lubricant

Once you have found a partner and have negotiated the path to safe sex together, there is one thing that is pretty much guaranteed to make that sex even better: lube. A good lubricant both improves penetrative sex and manual stimulation. Whether or not you're the sort of person who naturally provides plenty of your own lubrication, the benefits of making things extra slippery can never be underestimated. It can help fingers slide over, around and into places they might not otherwise have explored. It can assist with turning something uncomfortable into something mind-blowingly amazing. It can make those toys a lot easier to work with. If you have a look in a good sex shop, or online, there are lots of different types of personal lubricant available. Try a few out to find out which works best for you, but do make sure that any you choose are suitable for the job (i.e. latex-safe and/or fine to use with silicone toys) before you get stuck in. You will feel the benefit of this research in no time at all.

I understand that my Alternative A-to-Z of Sex may not actually seem all that 'alternative'. I simply intended it to be an alternative to the bland sex tips churned out by mainstream magazines. The plan is to write a blog post on something that isn't always the obvious choice (e.g. K wasn't for kissing) and is always safe for work. Can I manage a post for every single letter of the alphabet? So far so good!

Image from Nomadic Lass' Flickr photostream.

How to dress for your age

We all know that there are things we supposedly can't wear when we get passed a certain age, and we've all heard the phrase "mutton dressed as lamb". However, the exact details of what shouldn't be worn after which age is far less easy to determine. After all, humans come in all different shapes and sizes, so what will look daft on someone in her late 20s might look absolutely fine on another woman in her 50s because their bodies suit different things. There really is no "stop wearing short skirts at the age of 35" rule. It's all about knowing your shape and finding clothes that suit you, regardless of age. As the Invisible Woman said on the Guardian's fashion blog about Mary Portas' new clothing range, there really is no one-stop-shop solution for fashion once your teenage years are behind you:

"It seems to me that the way we dress as we grow older has more to do with who we know we are and less to do with what we are told we are by people who claim, not wholly unreasonably, to know better. It's a bit of a conundrum. On the one hand we feel all at sea, on the other we are very clear about what we want and need. But the ideal, surely, is to dress in a way that reflects personality and character - we can do that. The problem comes with finding appropriate sizing, shape and colour."

This is where internet 'window shopping' comes into its own. Online, you can hunt down styles that you think would suit you without having to trek along the high street, therefore narrowing down your search before you even leave home. Sites like ASOS, John Lewis, Guardian Fashion Store, and now even Amazon, offer so many brands that it's easy to stumble upon something that you may not otherwise have spotted. It's all too easy to ignore Topshop when you're in your 40s or Whistles when you're in your 20s, because you don't think the brand is aimed at your age group. We shouldn't do this though. Age is a state of mind not a brand indicator, so you should remember to wear what you feel comfortable and confident in. After all, wearing vintage can sometimes be like wearing your grandma's clothing and we don't have a problem with that, do we?

Feminism Friday: History lesson

This week my inspiration for Feminism Friday came, rather surprisingly, from the National Portrait Gallery. I took the afternoon off work yesterday to go and see the Glamour of the Gods exhibition and to explore the free exhibitions and recent acquisitions in one of my favourite museums in London. I've not been there for a while, and it was like delving into a treasure trove every time I turned a corner and discovered something new. Although it was fantastic to see Chris Floyd's striking photographic portrait of Cailtin Moran hanging in the gallery, this was not my inspiration for today's post. Instead, it was something I found in the gift shop. Alongside all the stuff aimed at kids, to teach them about some of the historical eras that the gallery's collections focus on, I found some packs of replica historical documents. Just the sort of thing I love rummaging through! However, this became even more fascinating when I realised that there were a couple of rather feminist sets in the collection.

There was a Suffragettes memorabilia pack containing a replica Votes for Women newspaper, membership card, poster, jail letter, Buckingham Palace flier, bail notice, propaganda pamphlet, Hyde Park programme and some photos of Suffragettes with a "get out of gaol" game printed on the back. Wonderfully inspiring stuff that makes it much easier to see just how hard these women fought for our right to vote. There is also a Women's War pack which contains a Life in the WRNS booklet, Home Companion magazine, hand written letter, Land Army flyer, wartime recipes, A Woman's Place pamphlet, WAAF leaflet and a selection of images from posters of the time. Again, looking through these documents really emphasises just how important women were to the running of the country during World War II. Much more so than simply reading about it in a book.

I really hope that young girls will buy or get given these - whether or not they are studying the subjects at school - as this is most certainly a history lesson that every woman needs. We are powerful. We can make a difference. We just need to want it.

The Alternative A-to-Z of Sex: Kegel

You may have already heard of Kegel or pelvic floor exercises and, if so, you could well be wondering why on earth I'd mention them here. Well known for helping to reduce urinary incontinence in women, especially after childbirth, they might not sound like the sexiest sort of thing you could be doing. However, the location of these muscles should be a key to the other thing the exercises can help you with. Strong easily controlled pelvic floor muscles can help you have better orgasms and, for many people, they can also be the key to becoming multi-orgasmic. Even for men because these muscles, when strong, can give greater control over ejaculation. Apparently, with training, it is possible for some men to orgasm without ejaculating which means they can just keep going.*

There are many devices designed to help tone the pubococcygeus muscles of the pelvic floor but their effectiveness is debated, and they may not even be necessary as there are simple exercises you can do without the use of weights at all. One of the things these muscles do is hold urine in your bladder, so trying to stop the flow once you've started is actually a rather good exercise. Once you've got the hang of doing this, you'll know which muscles to squeeze and relax which will mean that you can exercise them at any time. When you're fully in control, it could be the path to more intense and more frequent orgasms. Now that's definitely something which belongs in an A-to-Z of sex.

*If you've ever had the stamina to try this, do let me know if it works!

How to be happy

Now that I'm happy and confident in myself, it can sometimes be difficult to remember how I was before I achieved this. Telling someone that they look great, and should be content just the way they are, rarely works. It's like someone telling me not to worry: just because you said it, doesn't make it happen. My worrying doesn't have a nice straightforward off-switch. Telling someone that they don't need to have a spouse/career/family by a specific point in their life to be a success, doesn't automatically stop someone from feeling like a failure. Telling someone they're not fat just makes them focus on the last word you said.

My journey to self-confidence started with realising a number of things, including: (a) what is right for other people isn't necessarily right for me; (b) focusing on myself isn't selfish; and (c) being happy with my life just the way it is doesn't need to be considered 'settling'. Concentrating on good things and thinking about what made me happy was, inevitably, far more productive than dwelling on the bad stuff. I sometimes blog about things like boosting body confidence and how you shouldn't get hung up on size, but body (and other) insecurities arise for many different reasons and manifest in a number of ways, so there is no one-size-fits-all solution. The best we can all do is to concentrate on the positive things in our lives, as far as we possibly can. Hopefully this approach will also help the people we come into contact with to break away from their negativity too.

Feminism Friday: All girls together?

When I started Feminism Friday, I did wonder if I would have something to write about every week. I really needn't have worried my 'pretty little head' about it. Earlier this week, I popped out to grab a sandwich and found myself staring at a sea of women's magazines, pondering whether or not I wanted something to read with my lunch. I decided against it in the end as, although Boots does great food, their choice of glossies really does leave something to be desired. I swiftly became both mesmerised and frustrated by the utter crap that some women seem happy to part with their cash for. As the feminist rage bubbled up inside, I tweeted one magazine's cover lines: "Women's faces destroyed by drugs! Career women too scared to have babies! Is your figure better than you think? Oh fuck off Marie Claire". Apparently you should aspire to look great, have babies and currently be completely insecure to read this magazine. If the various replies and retweets I received that afternoon are anything to go by, I'm not the only one annoyed by this.

In a subsequent email discussion with my friend Jo, we picked at the nasty way society often encourages women to bond over hating themselves, and she said: "I do think that's a pernicious trend in the general public way of addressing women, especially from advertisers - the 'all girls together', gosh aren't we all insecure, wow I hate my bum, oh well I hate my ankles, blah blah etc". Why do we have to be insecure to get along? Why are confident successful women seen as 'bitches'? What's with all the negativity? There is also the supposedly friendly way of addressing women as if we all experience life in exactly the same way. No, we don't all 'love a bad boy' and, gasp, some of us can resist chocolate.

Mainstream media and advertising often treats women as though we're all somehow identical, with collective hopes and dreams. Ooh, let's all bond over these shared experiences that, as a gender, we surely all have! Well, guess what? We don't. For a short while in my late 20s I began to wonder if society thought of me as a real woman at all. I didn't want to be on a diet, liked looking at men and women, didn't want to get married, didn't want babies, wasn't obsessed with shopping, and rather liked cars. Practically nothing that was designed to appeal exclusively to women appealed to me. Especially not the near constant negativity. Why can't we bond over loving ourselves instead? Can't we talk about music, movies, life, gadgets, politics, shoes and how fabulous we are? Hmm... perhaps that just doesn't sell magazines.

Investment pieces

I've never been one for Primark bargains. It's mostly an ethical choice - how can they sell clothing so cheaply? - but it's also one of value. If I impulse buy cheap clothing, it will often be that same stuff which annoys me when it goes with nothing and starts cluttering up my wardrobe. I just don't value the thing I've spent my money on when it's that cheap. Spending a bit more cash makes me truly consider a purchase, and a well thought out buy is generally a better one. Rather than stopping at "do I like it?", I move on to other questions such as "does it fit really well?", "is it reasonably practical?", "will it go with things I already own?" and "how often will I wear it?". In addition, spending more on an item often indicates better quality, so it will last longer.

It'll take a while for me to completely move away from making impulse purchases, but right now I am very much enjoying the anticipation of having what is effectively a wish list. Here are my current obsessions. Feel free to share your own in the comments.

Practical handbag
I've got this one covered already, but it was the first step on my road to seeing the benefit in investment purchases. A couple of years ago I bought an handbag for a night out and it turned out to be rather useful on an everyday basis too. Sadly, it was cheaply made out of imitation patent leather which cracked under the weight of the contents, so I went in search for a similar style in leather. I went in every department store on Oxford Street and one bag ticked almost every box for me: The Osprey Bug.

There was a cracked vintage-effect black leather version for sale at a reduced price of £150 in John Lewis and I spent a while pondering it. The most I'd spent on a handbag up to that point was probably £30, and I desperately wanted something red, but the poor quality of cheap bags was really annoying me and this bag was the perfect style and size for my needs. Of course, I bought it and promptly filled it with stuff, which it has coped with admirably. I'm always on the look out for new versions of the Bug, but it looks like the one I have will last me a while yet!

Knee-high boots
They may be an extremely useful fashion staple when it comes to winter, but it's been a while since I was able to zip up a pair of off-the-shelf knee boots. I even tried Evans one year, where I was eyed suspiciously by the sales assistant and ended up buying a style I wasn't keen on just because the boots fitted my wide calves. I've chatted to many women whose legs are either too wide or too slender for most boots and often wondered why there wasn't somewhere that offered more than just a size that is based on foot length. Then the internet led me to Duo who, amongst other things, sell a stylish range of calf boots in a variety of width fittings.

I just can't decide which boots I want from Duo though. Do I go for the Albano with the lovely buckle details, or something plain and timeless like the Aralia? Or perhaps the higher heel of the Genova? I think I might just have to pop into their London store to see if seeing the styles in real life will help me come to a decision.

Well-fitting jeans
Jeans were one thing I thought I might be able to do without once I re-vamped my style. Whatever was I thinking? There's no way I can do without jeans! Once I realised just how unflattering my low-rise New Look pair are on my shape, I began the hunt for a new pair but was determined not to spend much as I don't wear them every day. I thought I'd found a bargain in TK Maxx with some mid-rise straight-leg dark indigo denim that I added turn-ups to for a Land Girl look, but they're still far from the most flattering item in my wardrobe. So, what to do?

When Cate Sevilla wrote about Levi's CurveID last year, I pushed the information to the back of my mind because I didn't want to pay Levi's prices for something I won't be wearing that often. However, I remembered just how much I loved each pair of Levi's jeans that I've purchased in the past, and how much better they were than others I've owned. I read more about the CurveID emphasis on fit and think that they may just have what I'm looking for. Why do I keep spending £20 here and £30 there on jeans that are far from perfect when I could have saved it to spend on something that actually fits?

Image via fatseth's Flickr photostream.

The Alternative A-to-Z of Sex: Jealousy

Jealousy is something that affects most relationships at one time or another. Relationships of any kind. It rears its ugly head on all sorts of occasions and, as Not an Odalisque mentioned a few in her recent blog post on jealousy, for many varied reasons. We often hate ourselves when it happens, perhaps thinking that we should be above such thoughts, but remember that most people experience the green-eyed monster quite often in their lives and none of us should feel bad about that. After all, the first step to managing jealousy is to actually admit to ourselves that we do have those feelings.

As far as sex is concerned, many people think that jealousy can only relate to a partner having (or wanting to have) sexual contact with someone who isn't you. However, it can happen for other reasons too. Have you ever felt jealous of a partner's multiple orgasms when you've been stuck with only one? Perhaps you've been in a situation where you didn't come at all and they did? Maybe they're more flexible than you, fitter than you, less inhibited than you? However your jealousy manifests, you should first learn to pause before reacting in order to think about why you feel this way.

Where have the feelings come from? How can this be fixed? Do you feel as though you're missing out on something? If you talk to your partner(s) calmly about your emotions using neutral language - e.g. use "when X happens, I feel Y", rather than "you make me feel Y" - you will begin to feel more in control of these feelings. In addition, your partner will probably be pleased that you are discussing things with them and are asking for their help. Even sharing the bad things can be positive sometimes. You are not in this alone.

Image via Quasic's Flickr photostream.

30 Years of Self Expression

When I moved to Manchester in 1994, one of the things I loved most about the city to begin with was the shopping. As a textile design student, I decided early on that any time spent wandering around shops was vital for my degree, and so a spot of 'research' would happen on a reasonably regular basis. One of my favourite places to visit in those days was the Schuh store on Market Street which, to my provincial shoe-obsessive eyes, was a symbol of all that was great about living in a city. I'd never seen anything quite like it before. There were so many gorgeous flats, heels, trainers and boots... all fashion forward and all reasonably affordable. I bought many pairs from that store in my student years but the ones that stick in my head the most, partly because I still have them, are my heeled Dr Marten boots. They were made of navy leather and have survived many a snowy winter, plus me painting them with black shoe dye to go with a clubbing outfit. Despite not really being a Docs kinda girl, I still love those crazy boots.

Schuh are now 30 years old. They opened their first store in Edinburgh back in 1981, and their philosophy was simple: "To provide individual high fashion footwear, sold in a unique and exciting retail environment". If my first impressions of their Manchester store are anything to go by, they were sticking to those ideals in the 1990s, and they're definitely sticking to them now. I defy anyone to walk into a Schuh store and not go "ooh!' at something. I did this just last week as they have a handful of exclusive 30th birthday design collaborations with some great brands, including the only Docs that have tempted me since I purchased my 90s pair. Embroidered with red roses? I must have them.

To celebrate three decades of bringing fantastically fashionable footwear to the high streets of the UK, Schuh's birthday campaign is called ’30 Years of Self Expression’ and covers all aspects of youth culture from 1981 to the present day. The website has an interactive timeline of the last 30 years of popular culture where you can add your memories, thoughts and pictures. There will be a party too, with celebrations in store on the 29th and 30th October, which will include the obligatory birthday presents. Every customer who buys over those two days will receive a gift, and it might not be something really tiny either. You might end up with a specially branded Schuh iPad with 30 years of film and music on it, an exclusive iPod, or free shoes for a year! I think I need to set a reminder in my calendar to go and get myself a pair of those boots. Let's hope they don't sell out before then.