The Alternative A-to-Z of Sex: Rubbing

As a teenager, sex involves a lot of rubbing. Due partly to the sheer joy that someone was actually allowing you to kiss and fondle them, and partly to the fact that you were a bit unsure about what to do next, much teenage rubbing is done through clothes. As we get older, we forget the joys of frottage. The thrill of feeling someone who turns you on rubbing themselves against you in a sexual way whilst you are both still fully clothed. The anticipation of what is to come, combined with the uncertainty of exactly when that next step is going to take place. All that time spent rubbing and stroking is damn fine foreplay which can often be neglected once you are old enough and brave enough to just go for it.

Whether you are clothed or naked, alone or together, non-penetrative sex definitely has its own special brand of excitement. Unless you are completely averse to anticipation, there must be some excitement in knowing that orgasm is... pending.

Awesome Ideas: Giving up Twitter

Yes, you read that correctly... I'm giving up Twitter for a week. Even though I've added this to my occasional "Awesome Ideas" series, I'm still not 100% sure it is. It's something of an experiment really. Can I get more done if I'm not constantly checking for new tweets on my phone? Will people still read my blog if I'm not prodding them on Twitter every time I publish a new post? Will I lose loads of followers? I suspect there will be some short-term 'damage' to my online presence with some folk starting to forget I exist after one day, and all the traffic which usually arrives at this blog via Twitter simply evaporating, but I'm hoping there will be some personal benefits to balance it all out. So far today I have already finished a book of short stories that I've been carrying around for months, cleared a large portion of my inbox and my attention span seems to be lengthening a tiny bit. My head feels clearer, now that it's free from all that excess noise.

Who knows what will happen over the rest of this week. Maybe I'll finish Grace Dent's book and find out if she really does leave Twitter (I suspect not as she was still there last time I looked!). Perhaps I'll find a new use for my smartphone's data connection? I think I should attempt to write a 'To Do' list for the week and see how much I manage to tick off by Sunday. Whatever happens, updates on my progress will follow. Here, rather than on Twitter, of course. In the meantime, if you are on Twitter yourself and enjoy anything that you read on Rarely Wears Lipstick this week, I don't suppose you'd tweet a link to it for me would you? Oh dear... perhaps that's the withdrawal symptoms starting already!

Feminism Friday: How to spot a feminist

What do feminists look like? You never know when you might need to spot one, so I thought I'd put together a handy guide to assist with recognition. We can be any gender, race, shape or size but never forget one very important thing: Feminists always dress in a practical way. A feminist's heels are never too high. A feminist's trousers are never too tight. A feminist is prepared to put up shelves, run for the bus, train an attack dog, defuse a bomb or start a protest march at any moment, so impractical clothing must never be worn. I repeat: NEVER! Also, feminists want everyone to be super-duper equal so they all wear gender-neutral clothing. That person wearing a skirt is NOT A FEMINIST. Do not be fooled by talk of pay gaps, rape culture and moving to Iceland because it's a 'feminist paradise'. A real feminist would show dedication to the cause merely by donning some sturdy footwear and an old pair of jeans.

These are the rules. Apparently.

Photo of me, dressed as a proper real-life feminist, by Matt Christie.

Rummaging in the basement

My office is close to Oxford Circus and so sometimes the lure is just too great. I know that, thanks to Philip Green, Topshop is now seen as a bit of a beacon of corporate evil, but in my teenage years that store was the reason we came to London. I spent many a happy Saturday getting the train to Marylebone with friends, then the tube to Oxford Circus and not leaving Topshop until we'd spent all our money. The excitement is still there when I walk in the door and my gaze is drawn by the designer-inspired clothing and wonderfully creative interpretation of the latest trends. The day I fail to find anything I like in Topshop will be a very sad day indeed.

The best bit about it these days is often the basement. With shoes, boutique brands, vintage clothing and even food, it's an entire lunch time shopping trip in one place! I keep noticing interesting new brands all the time when I pop in, and there's a fair few who have been stocked there for years too. Yesterday I spotted an eye catching bodycon dress from tfnc, a cute frock from Love Struck with cats on it, interesting collars on garments from Sister Jane, a beautiful postage stamp print dress from Isy & Peeps, and an amazing embroidered floral skull jumper from Illustrated People. And that was before I'd had a rummage through the Peekaboo Vintage items, tried to tear myself away from the Vivienne Westwood for Melissa pom pom shoes, and then had a wander through KG, Carvella, Bertie, Dune and Office! After all that, I needed to find food fast, so I headed to the instore EAT and watched some rather uncomfortable looking parents sip coffee whilst they waited for their teenagers to spend.

Next time you're near Oxford Street and have a yearning for some smaller brands and very little walking, I suggest you head straight for the lowest floor in Topshop. Sadly it's not always a bargain basement, but they do occasionally have a sale on.

Image from isyandpeeps.com.

On open relationships...

If you say that you are in an open relationship, the chances of being misunderstood are quite high. Some folk think you're cheating, are being forced into doing something you don't want by a more lascivious partner, or are doing it simply to fix a broken relationship. Sometimes those things can be true, but the majority of people who would actively choose to label themselves as being in some form of open relationship are not actually being dishonest, coerced, or simply kidding themselves. Most of us who are in open relationships firmly believe that you cannot expect one single person to be your everything, and some even think that it is possible to fully and completely love more than one person at a time.

It's a tricky concept for many people to grasp, but I often wonder why that is. After all, people are unfaithful all the time. Even if you've never felt the urge yourself, chances are that you either know someone who has cheated or you have read the details of any of any number of "love rats" in a newspaper or magazine. For many people, monogamy is really quite hard indeed. They get tempted by others, but they still claim to love their partner... and they probably do. Just because you and your partner like different things in certain areas of your lives, doesn't mean you don't still love each other. Of course jealousy crops up, but the thing about the majority of open relationships is they are honest about this. Hurdles can nearly always be overcome if you are willing to talk about your problems.

No single method of organising romantic and sexual relationships is more correct than another. Well, certainly not to anyone other than the people involved!

The Alternative A-to-Z of Sex: Quirky

Everyone has their own quirks. Their own particular ways of doing something. From casual to obsessive, spontaneous to organised, our habits quite often define us. Once we've found a specific way of doing something that we like, it's fun to explore it further and find other people who agree with our way of thinking. This applies to anything... even sex. Quirky, or kinky, sex is sometimes dismissed as dirty and immoral, yet it often fulfills the same basic human needs as kissing or hugging. Many people have already tried a spot of light bondage or spanking in the bedroom without considering themselves to be at all kinky, simply because it can be a lot of fun. If you haven't tried it out yet, but think you might quite like to, the first step is to talk to your partner. Then perhaps try a workshop or a DVD to introduce you to the basics. Take it slowly, talk things through, and choose your equipment and sources of information wisely. Sometimes a little bit of something quirky can be just what you need.

Image via Demipoulpe's Flickr photostream.

Writing Sex Right

One of the many things I enjoy in life is talking about sex. Whether the subject is how to do it, what turns you on, who you do it with, or who you tell, talking about sex with the right crowd of people can be fascinating. Writing about sex is fantastic too. Blogging about sexual health, real-life stories, sex tips or writing erotic fiction... it's all rather fascinating and extremely educational. So, when you get an open-minded non-judgemental group of people together to discuss sex and all the ways they write about it, things get really interesting. So, you can imagine my delight when I was invited to be on a discussion panel (or two) at the UK’s very first sex blogger and erotica writer’s conference, Eroticon 2012!

The conference, which is taking place on Saturday 3rd March in Bristol, will be helping experienced and aspiring writers to "write sex right" with discussions and workshops. The schedule is packed with inspirational sessions and speakers, including writing workshops, tech sessions plus discussion panels on subjects such as getting published, identity and ethics, and sex in the media. The conference is the brain-child of erotica author Ruby Kiddell, who felt there was a need for a safe and inspiring event where sex bloggers and erotica writers could meet, learn and discuss. Speakers and sessions confirmed so far include:

• Maxim Jakubowski : Writing workshop, Publishers’ panel
• Zoe Margolis : Identity, ethics and blogging panel, Sex and the media panel
• Hazel Cushion of Xcite books : Publishers’ panel
• Lucy Felthouse : Marketing your work, publishers’ panel
• John Tisbury : Photography workshop

I am lined up for two discussion panels - Identity, ethics and blogging, plus Sex and the media - which promise to touch on some very interesting issues. However, I am also looking forward to checking out some of the other sessions as I feel there may be a budding erotica writer hidden inside me somewhere! Whether you are a published author, or want to see if you can earn money from your saucy stories, whether you have an established sex blog or are simply thinking of starting one up... Eroticon has much that will be of interest to you. There will even be a cocktail party at the end of the conference which promises seductive readings from some of the UK’s most exciting emerging writers. I suggest you book your tickets now. Something tells me the hotel rooms of Bristol will be a rather fun place to be on the night of 3rd March 2012!

Versace for H&M

I stepped out of Oxford Circus tube station this morning to find myself transported into the past, to some time circa 1992. The windows of H&M were awash with neon colours, garish prints and studded leather jackets. I half-expected to see Christy, Linda, Cindy and Naomi look-a-likes strutting down the street towards me, lip-syncing to George Michael's Freedom. Sadly, I hadn't exited a Tube Train Time Machine. Once I saw the massive queue of people still waiting to get into the store, and the smug folk sat next to their giant garish shopping bags while ordering food in Garfunkel's next door, I realised that it was in fact the launch of the H&M Versace collection.

Since I saw the posters go up for this, I have been wondering if people would actually buy this stuff to wear, or simply 'invest' so they could boast to their friends and flog it on eBay later. But then I saw a young fashion student inadvertently pull off the perfect Zoolander impression whilst putting on his newly acquired H&M Versace jacket in the street at lunch time. I just don't get the appeal. I thought this was me being clueless about fashion. I thought this was me completely failing to understand trends and the benefits of designer/high street collaborations. However, I think it's much more about me being old enough to have seen all these Versace designs the first time round (albeit only on the pages of fashion magazines). If you are old enough to say "that looks familiar" about a current trend, it's never going to be all that exciting.

Mind you, as Alexandra Roumbas Goldstein pointed out on my Facebook wall when I whined about the collection being garish, Versace is like that every year.

The Alternative A-to-Z of Sex: Positions

There are so many sexual positions. Gotta try them all, right? WRONG! Positions are something that just happens, not something to be checked off on a list. If it looks uncomfortable, it probably is so... don't bother, unless you're a show off! There are a few basics that everyone needs to try out, but the rest are all variations on a theme. Man-on-top can be varied by the position of the woman's legs, woman-on-top can have similar amendments (and rotations), and doggy-style becomes a 'spoony' side-by-side if you both keel over due to near exhaustion. Even the standing positions are pretty much variations on what you can do while lying or seated. We should be trying things because we want to know if  they feel nice, not because we think we ought to.

By the way, to clarify... although I have used heteronormative descriptions of positions which include the words 'man' and 'woman', I'm relying on you to use a bit of creativity in your interpretation. After all, not everyone's straight. And sex is at it's best when it's a whole lot of fun.

How to be a redhead

I've been dying my hair for quite some time now. As a young teenager, I tried many things - including temporary colors, henna-based dyes and even the dreaded Sun-In! - because I knew that I wanted something other than the mousey mane which nature had landed me with. From the age of 18, however, you couldn't get me away from those DIY packets of permanent dye on sale in my local Boots and I spent a good few years trying a large number of different brands and colours. I was a cheap and cheerful Nice 'n' Easy blonde for a few years, failed dismally at becoming a ginger, then went back to blonde and tried some classier brands like L'Oréal's Recital Preference for a while. Finally, when I reached my 30th year, I tried a bright L'Oréal Feria red on top of my blonde locks, and was utterly sold. I then spent the next few years searching for the perfect red hair dye.

A couple of years ago, I found it - Schwarzkopf LIVE Color XXL Hypnotic Red is perfect for me. Garnier Nutrisse reds just weren't bright enough and all the Recital Preference shades I liked were too dark and 'purply' for my skin tone. I worked my way through a few of the LIVE Color XXL red shades to find my perfect one and discovered that, where Feria faded spectacularly fast, the Schwarzkopf dyes stay vibrant for weeks. I always get complimented on my colour and my hair remains shiny, even after years of potent chemical abuse! What better advert for their products? The only thing I don't like is the rubbish gloves they come with, so I always buy my own.

Last time I went to buy my usual hair colour, I noticed that there is a new product in the range. Schwarzkopf LIVE Color XXL Shake It Up Colour Foam is apparently super-easy to use and non-drip, which is very good news for colour addicts like me. No matter how much practice I've had, trying to keep the bathroom splatter free  with darker dyes is still a challenge! I have to say though, the most tempting thing about this product is the "fruity strawberry scent" that it apparently has. No matter how much I love dying my hair, the permanent ones hardly ever smell bearable by the end of the 30 minutes. Sadly, despite the tempting food-related names, they don't have a colour that would lure me away from my usual Schwarzkopf dye, but perhaps there's one for you? Do let me know if you try it out.

Photography by Carlo and Fabiana Nicora at London Boudoir Photography.

Sustainable fashion

I've always had a reasonably sustainable attitude towards fashion. Not because of a selfless desire to protect the world's resources, but more because, well... it's fun. As a child, I was introduced to the concept of second-hand clothes via 'hand-me-down' garments. As the older sister I didn't receive many, but the thrill of seeing a much-loved item of clothing again on the daughter of my mum's best friend, and then again years later on my little sister, was enough to sell me on the concept. Even though I'd grown out of something, it didn't have to become un-loved. The joy of that pretty summer dress could live on with someone else, and the memories of the fun times I'd had while wearing it would come flooding back when I saw someone jumping around in the same frock.

My secondary school had a uniform that was very specific and rather hard-wearing and so many items, including much of my sports kit, was purchased from the parents of pupils who had outgrown it. In my teenage years, someone in my extended family would give me bags of clothes that her sister no longer wanted to see if there was anything in them that I liked. While at art college, I would visit flea markets and charity shops to find clothing for costumes and everyday wear, sometimes finding a crossover between the two. I would often customise items and often wear them to death, or until they found themselves back in a charity shop.

I had no idea that what I was doing was an extremely good use of resources. It never occurred to me that, by choosing to save a pre-owned garment from landfill rather than purchase something new, I was making a difference to anything other than my own wardrobe. It wasn't a style statement, or a display of my ethics and beliefs, just a love of interesting clothing. Since I started buying clothing for myself with my own money as a teenager in the late 80s and early 90s, I noticed that much of what is available on the high street hasn't been made with quite the same care and attention as older clothes. It may have been the lower price of second-hand clothing that drew me to it initially, but it was the beauty of the handmade garments and sturdy items from the 60s and 70s that kept me coming back after mainstream fashion became cheaper.

Although I enjoy cultivating an individual look, I don't seek out what is now called vintage clothing specifically because it looks different. I enjoy buying new garments from high street retailers too. I guess I've always loved the clothes themselves more than passing fashions. I love how garments are designed and made, the fabrics, the finishing. I enjoy owning beautiful things that I can wear, and I just don't understand how spending a fiver on an item from Primark can feel the same way. Even before you start to wonder how on earth they can make clothing that cheaply.

Perhaps we are starting to veer away from fast fashion again, now that the thrill of the budget retailers' offerings has started to wane and consumers are becoming more concerned about where their clothes come from. Ethical brands are becoming more style conscious and designers are looking to use recycled materials more and more in their garments, which opens peoples minds to what is possible in fashion. Vintage clothing has become incredibly desirable in recent years and, despite all the frustration that comes with people trying to cash in by describing anything and everything they sell as vintage, showing consumers the fun that can be had from pre-loved clothing might just have a longer-lasting effect.

I will be part of the fashion panel at SHINE this Friday. SHINE is the UK’s leading unconventional conference (or unconference) for socially-minded entrepreneurs.

Feminism Friday: Who am I?

I am Schwarzkopf LIVE Color XXL Hypnotic Red.
I am Olay Complete Care Moisturising Fluid.
I am L'Oréal True Match pressed powder.
I am Clinique Lash Power Mascara.
I am Boots No7 eyebrow pencil.
I am a vintage dress and United Nude shoes.
I am a Tatty Devine GIN necklace.
I am really ridiculously good looking.

But... I am so much more than that.

I am kind.
I am caring.
I am creative.
I am sexual.
I am a feminist.
I am a friend, a sister, a lover.
I am an introvert who pretends to be an extrovert.
I am always seeking knowledge.
I am a slow reader.
I am a writer.
I am proud to be a woman.
But I am also a person... like you.

Taking sex ed to the next level

Pretty much all of us had some form of sex education at school. All I can remember from my early years was the "when a man and a woman love each other very much..." talk, followed by a video of childbirth for the girls in the class. Then, later on in my school life, I recall a biology teacher handing round examples of different types of contraception so we could see what each looked like while she described what they did. I don't really remember much about the lessons themselves but it was all geared towards making us rather cautious about this whole sex thing. Luckily for them, I put off starting the full-on practical part of my education until I was 18 and so had plenty of time to brush up on the specific details of the theory in my own time. I was a fast learner and so, if there'd been a test, I reckon I would have passed it in no time.

Thing is, that's where most people leave it. You do a bit of theory at the start and then the rest is learned on-the-job, as it were. What happens if you want to get better at it? What happens if you encounter problems? Other than contacting an agony aunt about a specific issue you have, or wading through Google search results trying to find something relevant and accurate, where can you go for more information on sex? Well, if you're in London, I'd suggest a good place to start is the erotic classes at Sh! They are small friendly sessions which cover a variety of different topics - female orgasms, finding your g-spot, better blow-jobs, anal pleasure, strap-on sex and even spanking - and they take place downstairs in the Hoxton Square store. Further education is rarely this much fun.

The other week, I went along to a class on orgasms, run by the lovely Joanna. We were welcomed with a glass of pink fizz and were soon being given a tour of the important (for orgasm) elements of our lady parts with the help of diagrams from 3Dvulva.com and a rather tactile vulva puppet. Then Joanna suggested ways of getting started to bring yourself to orgasm using fingers and lube (which I remembered from the last time I attended a Sh! class was her recommended item). Of course, manual stimulation alone isn't always enough and so our attention was soon turned to some of the toys sold by Sh! that had been selected as relevant to this class. Joanna recommended putting a condom onto bullet vibrators for easy retrieval without damaging them, and also suggested that those new to using a vibe might find it useful to use them round the vulva or on the sides of their clit, as direct stimulation can sometimes be a bit much. After we all marvelled at the amazing SaSi with its customisable settings and the incredibly powerful Esprit D'Amour, our glasses were topped up ready for 'the science part'.

Once we were all aware of what happens where and how, the conversation inevitably got around to how to have 'better' orgasms, which was when Joanna introduced us to a few of the types of vaginal 'love' balls that are sold by Sh! These are useful to provide resistance when doing your kegel exercises and certain types are comfortable to wear all day. However, it was mentioned by some of the women in the class that they can provide rather too much stimulation when sat near the engine on a bus! Handy advice indeed. In fact, many of the casual discussions we had and stories that we shared were both fascinating and useful. One of the great things about the Sh! classes is that they keep the numbers small, and the pink fizz flowing, so it never feels awkward to ask questions or discuss things further. We all left the store having learned at least one new thing and, thanks to our £5 vouchers and a little bit of shopping time, some of us went home with a little bit of something fun too.

If you are in any way curious about improving your knowledge of certain aspects of sex, or even if you just like talking to other women to find out if you are alone in how you feel or what does it for you, I would definitely recommend going along to one of the classes at Sh! It was a great start to a fun night, as I'm sure it was for many of the ladies there!

The Alternative A-to-Z of Sex: Orientation

Yesterday, I got a bit stuck with my A-to-Z of Sex. I tried to think about what to use for O, but the only words I could think of were the extremely obvious Oral and Orgasm. Either of those would be at home in an A-to-Z in any mainstream magazine - I really had to think of something better, but my brain was failing me. So I did what I always do in these situations, and I asked my followers on Twitter.

@CupCate started off a flurry of responses with the wonderful suggestion of Orifice, and then @davidwhittam expanded my vocabulary with the beautiful word Onanism. Then there was Optimism, Origami, OMG (managing other people's reactions!), Open, Osteopathy, Orgies, Outdoors, Openings, Old age, Organised and the rather surgical suggestion of Orchidechtomy from @VICEUK! I did love @Jonn0Jonzz's suggestion of Ocular or Oration, which would have fitted beautifully with how I started this A-to-Z, with Aural. The idea of writing a post on erotic visual stimuli, such as pornography or voyeurism, was really rather tempting but I think I'll save that for V. However, it was @KinkedSkin who blew me away with a suggestion so perfect that I cannot believe I didn't think of it myself: Orientation.

Sexual orientation can be a very defining thing, but it can also be unintentionally rather limiting. Many people work out who they are attracted to and then try to find a label they like which fits. Even though labels can be used by others to narrow-mindedly put people into boxes, they are also a handy shortcut to explain something to people which might otherwise require far more words. If you're always attracted to people of a different gender to you, then the label heterosexual (or straight) might be for you. If you're always attracted to people of the same gender as you, then homosexual (gay or lesbian) can provide a quick and decent explanation. In between the two? How about bisexual? There are many more labels that have been developed by people who feel that these three do not adequately describe their own orientation - e.g. queer, pansexual, heteroflexible, homoflexible - and many arguments regarding the precise definition of each, including bisexual.

The thing we need to remember is that many people's orientation is fluid, so putting them in a box and leaving them there is probably not going to work. Knowing who you are and who you're attracted to is the most important thing but, depending on which circles you move in, do be prepared to explain yourself once in a while. Just try not to get angry with people who don't understand, or who don't conform to your own ideas. After all... everyone's different. Would you really want to live in a world where everyone was the same?

Image via Andrew Pescod's Flickr photostream.

Lingerie By Caprice

Blogging is still very much a hobby for me, and so it's always exciting when I get an email from someone I've never met telling me that they love Rarely Wears Lipstick. It's even more exciting when the email is from someone offering me free stuff. OK, so you might think that an email saying my blog is great whilst also offering up a free sample might not be 100% genuine with the praise, but I can safely say I have received enough generic PR/marketing emails to be able to spot one that has a more personal touch. Not only was I flattered that a search for lingerie blogs would have turned up my site, the email I received from Caroline at lingerie brand By Caprice was actually friendly and personalised. Would I like to write about their lingerie? Most definitely! I'm always up for finding another brand that sells pretty and affordable underwear, so I found a style I liked, emailed them my size and waited. It wasn't long before a parcel wrapped in ribbon arrived on my desk containing the lovely Lilylou bra and briefs in black with red embroidery.

By Caprice was founded by model Caprice Bourret in 2006 in order to create beautiful designs at affordable prices. The brand is currently undergoing an expansion, with companies such as ASOS, Next, Littlewoods and Debenhams stocking By Caprice lingerie. They have also recently launched with New Look, and will be the only underwear brand on their site. Caroline said in her email to me, "we hope the quality of our designs and garments speak for themselves!" and I have to admit that she's right. I've looked closely at a lot of bras available on the high street and have been surprised at home many brands use plain straps, bland detailing and lumpy lace on what is clearly supposed to be more than an everyday garment. Having a few frills on something doesn't make it special, but attention to detail does. The straps on my new Lilylou bra have pretty red details, the bow is large yet inoffensive and the lace is smooth enough to not show through all but the clingiest of dresses. This was actually quite surprising from something so affordable.

Although I was surprised by how full the cup was on this bra - there is a lot more cleavage on show when Caprice wears it, compared to me! - the fit was very good indeed, making it a fantastic option for a beautiful everyday bra. My only issue with the set was that the briefs don't offer quite enough bottom coverage for my size 14 rear, so I'm not entirely sure they would be comfortable for a full day in the office. A rear-view image on the website would help when working out how the briefs are cut, but the shape might be fine for those of you with a smaller backside. Speaking of size, one of the great things about By Caprice is that the bras go up to a G-cup. I have written about lingerie many times and received comments from many women saying that the brands I've mentioned just don't come in their size, so it's nice to know that some companies who are able to offer larger sizes also realise there is definitely a market for something bigger than a D.

The thing I liked most about this brand was that Caprice said she wanted to inspire other woman to feel as fabulous, positive and sexy in their lingerie as she does. As someone who understands that beautiful lingerie is a confidence boost for the wearer rather than being solely about titillating your partner, I really appreciate the sentiment. Both the items I was sent came with a tag that said, "I hope you enjoy this little indulgence, carefully crafted to make you look and feel even more special. Love Caprice". Her lads' mag modelling roots may show in the photographs for the range, but Caprice's lingerie really does offer more than just sex appeal.

Feminism Friday: Cabaret opera?

I don't really know much about opera. I know that I love the sound of a good operatic vocal, and I have enjoyed a number of performances of and inspired by opera. On Monday evening I attended a concert called Disturbia, at the Queen Elizabeth Hall on the Southbank. The first piece performed by the BBC Concert Orchestra that evening was Francis Poulenc's one-act opera La voix humaine sung by soprano Ilona Domnich. This must have been quite a challenge for the singer, as the emotionally unstable character of the piece is speaking to her ex-lover on the telephone and so is both acting and also singing in uncomfortable positions. To begin with, the strange concept of half a telephone conversation being sung in English was rather a lot to adjust to but, by the end, I was completely gripped by Domnich's performance. It was like film noir... something I never thought opera could be.

Now something else has cropped up, which will hopefully expand my knowledge of opera a little further. Something rather feminist, in fact! Ah! Forget My Fate! is a brief history of women in opera, and promises to be part chamber opera and part cabaret. It offers "a pithy and poignant overview of the duplicity, the daring, and the many deaths of women throughout the operatic tradition" which sounds like a marvellous place to properly commence my opera education. There are two late performance of this piece - on Wednesday 16th and Friday 25th November - and I shall be heading there for a spot of midweek musical feminism soon. Hope to see you there too.

Image via Ilona Domnich's website.

The Alternative A-to-Z of Sex: None

Seeing as this week has inadvertently become more about clothes than sex - a nice contrast to last week! - it makes perfect sense for the N in my A-to-Z to be for None. Nothing. No sex at all. What if you're not getting any? Well, guess what? It's not necessarily a bad thing. As I wrote for BitchBuzz earlier this year, there are many reasons people go without sex, and some of them are voluntary. Perhaps you've decided to wait until you're in a relationship, have chosen abstinence, have health problems, or are in a long-term relationship where relaxing cuddles seem like a far more pressing issue. Whatever the reason, if you've chosen to not have as much sex as society and the media say you should be having, there is no reason to feel inadequate. Are you getting enough? Surely only you can answer that.

The problem arises when you don't want to be going without sex. When you're not getting any and, everywhere you turn, all you can see is reminders of how much fucking everyone else is (apparently) doing. When all you can think about is your lack of a partner or that elusive orgasm. That's when a glass of wine and a good book can be a helpful distraction, and joining a gym can refocus your brain somewhere else. Or you can just give in to the urge and sort things out yourself, but then... using your hands and toys to get yourself off isn't really 'no sex at all' now, is it?

Image from Sharon Drummond's Flickr photostream.

Festive Fever

As the festive party season approaches... I know, I know... I'm sorry. It seems as though the moment Halloween is out of the way, everyone says it. Every women's magazine and website, anyway. Once we hit December it's apparently 'party time', so we all need to buy some pretty things to wear in order to look gorgeous while we get drunk with our friends and colleagues. But how many parties do we really go to at this time of year? Is it actually any more than usual? Well, even if it's not, an excuse to at the very least browse a selection of gorgeous dresses is not something I would personally ignore. There is definitely a psychological boost to seeing so many strong colours and sparkles in the windows of clothes shops at this time of year. When the winter weather is as grey and damp as it often is in the UK, we need all the help we can get to cheer up. I'll take party frocks over the ridiculously early switch-on of Christmas lights any day!

Although the high street is always filled with lovely occasion dresses as we head deeper into winter, you can never be sure that you won't bump into someone else wearing that exact same outfit at one of your parties. Much as I shouldn't really care, like many people, I do prefer to be a little bit unique and so it's nice to do your shopping somewhere different to the masses. Well, this is where Fever Designs always comes to my mind. Eye-catching vintage-inspired clothing at a reasonable price is enough on its own, but just look at their Christmas collection! The Austen pencil dress, the Christie one-sleeve dress (also available with straps), the Cinderella party dress and the Arvila gown are all available in stunning jewel-bright colours. What better way to satisfy a need to be fashionable yet also stand out from the crowd?

In addition, the lovely people at Fever have offered readers of Rarely Wears Lipstick a 10% discount during November. Just enter the code LIPSTICK at the checkout when you make your purchase via the Fever website. The offer's valid until 30th November 2011, so that's plenty of time to browse their range and perhaps get yourself some cozy knitwear or a new coat for that pesky British winter weather too.