What I Wore Wednesday

Sometimes it's good to wait. A few months ago I tried on a skirt in John Lewis and it was pretty much perfect for me. A wide waistband that sat on the natural waist, a full skirt, carefully placed patch pockets and beautiful button detailing down the back. It was the sort of wool mix that meant that the fabric hung beautifully and, if looked after correctly, would last a long time. The only problem was that it was not cheap. At all! That Ted Baker skirt cost £149. I knew it would be an investment but I just didn't have that amount of money, so I vowed to wait for the sales and hoped that it would still be available in my size. Fast-forward to Christmas and one of the items that my parents gave me didn't fit, so I headed to John Lewis (where else?) to see if I could exchange it. On the off chance, I looked at the rails of Ted Baker clearance items and couldn't believe my luck when I found a Joele skirt in a size 3... and half price! Braving Oxford Street so soon after the start of the sales could have been a massive mistake but, as someone told me yesterday, "fortune favours the bold". I know it's only a skirt but looking awesome is the first step to being awesome, right?

I couldn't resist Transatlantic Blonde's suggestion that my new skirt should become part of a What I Wore Wednesday blog post. After all, that means I have a valid excuse to put a picture of Cher from Clueless on Rarely Wears Lipstick. The story of the skirt has proved that, like Cher, I don't need to be a "ditz with a credit card". If something is worth it, I can probably get it for less. If not, I can do without. My top in this photo was being discarded by a friend. The shoes were from an outlet store. I have decided that 2012 is going to be a year where I stop impulse buying (yes, even small items of make-up), and leave the credit well alone. I shall think more about slow fashion and the price we pay for our sartorial desires. What are your plans for the coming year?

The Alternative A-to-Z of Sex: Visual

When you look at sensual photos of attractive people, does it turn you on? It's a well reported fact that men are more easily stimulated by visual cues than women. However, this doesn't mean that women don't find the sight of their partner in a state of undress - or some really good porn - a turn on, it just means that we usually need a bit more than that to get us to a point of action. Combined with touch, smell and even sound, visual stimulation can have a very obvious effect on most women too. We should all enjoy this more. Rather than plunging right in with some hardcore videos, why not start gently? Admire each other's bodies as if you've never seen them before. Relish the parts that excite you, as if you are creating a mental image to store and save for a time when you're not together. Choose erotic rather than pornographic images for your alone time. Start slowly and build up. After all, good things come to those who wait.

Festive Friday: All I want for Christmas...

When the lovely Melaina over at Transatlantic Blonde was discussing her ultimate Christmas song this week, she tagged me in her post. Now I don't usually take part in blog memes but, after listening to Xmas CDs in the office every afternoon since the beginning of the month, I just couldn't resist this one. I've heard so much unusual Christmas music lately that selecting a favourite from it all was always going to be tricky. Should I go for an underplayed classic (Step Into Christmas by Elton John), a favourite in my office (We Wanna See Santa Do The Mambo by Big John Greer), or something with a little bit of extra 'cheer' (Fuck Christmas by Eric Idle)? One of my colleagues introduced me to the delights of the Psychobilly Christmas album this year, plus Topper found Nightmare Revisited (Kidnap The Sandy Claws by Korn!) and the somewhat more annoying Christmas Cats on Spotify. But, don't worry, I won't subject you to 30 seasonal songs sung by sampled felines. Instead, I shall share a wonderful winter warmer from Frisky & Mannish. Enjoy!



Rather than tag anyone in this post, I shall simply request that you leave a comment with your own ultimate seasonal tune, if you have one. There's more to festive music than Wizzard and Slade, right? Happy Holidays to you all!

Playful Promises design competition

Playful Promises have launched a design competition inviting students, graduates and those with a flair for fashion to submit lingerie designs for the Playful Promises Spring/Summer 2013 lingerie collection. Paradise is Playful Promises forthcoming SS13 lingerie collection, featuring "a future-retro look inspired by innocence versus sin and exotic infusions". Inspiring stuff! Playful Promises is looking for designs for pretty much anything that you might consider to be lingerie: corsets, bras, briefs, suspender belts, basques, peek-a-boo briefs, waspies and more. This should give you plenty of room to explore. The brief suggests a colour palette of nudes and blush pinks, with dashes of brights such as acid yellow, apricot and magenta. Inspiration can also be drawn from John Milton’s notorious poem Paradise Lost.

The winning design will be featured in Playful Promises SS13 lingerie collection, which will be sold globally to independent boutiques, department stores and well-known ecommerce sites. That's going to look good on anyone's design CV! The competition closes on 31st March 2012 and entries will be judged by Founder & Designer Emma Parker, with Design & Production Manager Louise McNaughton. The collection will be launched July 2012 and then available in stores January 2013. For more information, a copy of the brief and trend inspiration, please contact Delphine Thwaites. Do let me know if you enter, and... good luck!

Image by Stylesight for Playful Promises.

Poly means many

It's been a few years since my primary partner and I decided to dip our toes into the waters of polyamory. We've pretty much been non-monogamous from the start, and ethical about it too, but the decision to open ourselves up to additional loving relationships was a tough one even though it was the logical next step. Many difficult emotions are stirred up by polyamory and we knew it was going to be tricky, but an awful lot of fun times have been had. The good times always outweigh the bad, or we just wouldn't continue along this path.

Slightly odd situations can crop up though, even when things are going swimmingly. Take right now, for example. He has one other partner yet I have only him. I am technically still poly, but I have only one partner. I guess, in a strange way, it's a bit like being bi and being in a single relationship. Just because I'm in a relationship with a man, does not mean that I am monogamous and straight. Bisexuality is about being attracted to people of your own and other genders, and so I also shouldn't forget that polyamory is about the desire to have more than one open loving relationship. I'm fine just the way I am... even if poly does technically mean many.

The Alternative A-to-Z of Sex: Underwear

It couldn't have been anything else for U in my A-to-Z, could it? U is most definitely for Underwear. Gorgeous lingerie can make you feel utterly amazing. Sexy man pants can really boost your confidence. No matter what your gender, there's no denying that skimpies matter. However, don't go thinking that underwear has to look overtly 'sexy' in order to make you feel fuckable. It's not just about knowing how you look once the clothes come off, it's about how the undies feel against your skin when you put them on. They don't have to be the most expensive under garments in the world, either. If cotton jersey helps you feel fresh and comfortable, then it'll work for you. If you prefer something plain, that doesn't mean you have to go over the top in order to be sexy. Sometimes simple works best. You know we've all had our 'lucky pants' at one time or another, right? The pair that look good, feel great and never put people off so are always an obvious choice when we're hoping to get lucky. Well, why not treat yourself to a few pairs? Try clingy, sheer, patterned, peep-holes, large or skimpy. If you look at lingerie and it makes you go "ooh!", remember that is the feeling you want to capture while you're wearing it. Try it on and, as long as it doesn't break the bank, buy it! Underwear that helps you feel sexy and confident is never a waste of money... even when it doesn't stay on terribly long.

Image via Kiss Me Deadly.

Recommendation: Honi from PicoBong

I recently discovered that those fabulous folk at LELO have launched a new mid-range brand of sex toys. The rather playfully-named PicoBong has an initial offering of six waterproof, travel-ready vibrators. With an online marketing campaign which includes flash games, iPhone/Android apps and blogs, PicoBong say they are hoping to "open a global forum to communicate the value of safe sexual experimentation with the help of sex toys, rather than catering to the traditional less-refined standards often found in the industry." An interesting concept, but one that will only work if the products are up to scratch.

PicoBong kindly offered to send me one of their launch products and I have to admit that I was rather excited about this. After all, many of us know just how great LELO's products are but not everyone has the budget for them. This new brand is promising a step up from ugly cheap sex toys but without the giant leap in price. If the quality is there, these would definitely be big sellers. I decided to test the Honi - the mini toy with mega vibrations - which is available on the PicoBong website for a mere £26.95 and is delivered in very discreet packaging. The website gives you all the information you need to select the toy that's right for you, and this little baby seemed like my idea of fun!

I'm happy to report that, not only is the Honi delightfully simple in its design, it is also amazingly straightforward to use. Seriously, the instruction manual is barely longer than a couple of tweets, because that's really all you need to know to work the thing. Brilliant stuff! It has plenty more going for it too. It's waterproof, so you can use it in in more than one place (use your imagination!), and it also has a rather quiet motor, which means that it's only you who has to keep the noise down. Another thing I liked was that, although it is a silicone toy, it is firm to the touch. This is great for applying just the amount of pressure you like when using the Honi externally.

Although it promises "mega vibrations", the Honi does have more subtle speeds for those who like it softer or prefer a slow build up. The multiple speeds and vibration patterns are easily controlled with a mere two buttons. Yes, the interface really is that simple! You only need to remember that the one nearest the string is the down/off button and it becomes easy to control the Honi without looking. The design geeks amongst you will also love the fact that these buttons are built into the P and B of the logo on the surface of the toy. Basically, all you need to do to get started with this pretty little thing is to make sure that you have an AAA battery at the ready. Once you've popped that in the Honi and felt the buzz, I very much doubt you'll be disappointed. I found it was perfect for delivering the vibrations I wanted, exactly where they were needed. A truly great product for a great price.

Feminism Friday: Women of the Year

The Guardian posted their Women of the Year list online today, which is an interesting collection indeed. Their selections are much more deserving than those on many other lists I've seen, some of which only seem to celebrate fame and beauty. Although I often have trouble remembering the events of the previous 12 months by the time it comes to this time of year, I decided to try compiling a list of my own. I wanted to come up with a selection of 10 wonderful women who have inspired me in one way or another this year. I've stuck to amazing women I've had the pleasure of meeting in real life, but there were many more I could have featured if I'd broadened the scope. In fact, there were many more I could have included full stop! I did decide to stick to a list of 10 and so, without further ado, here's the Rarely Wears Lipstick Women of the Year 2011!

• Amanda Jones - A super-busy social entrepreneur and coffee addict, Amanda spends her days helping thirsty children and still manages to fit in side projects, like organising the SHINE unconference. She has exciting new things planned for 2012 too!
• Cate Sevilla - Running BitchBuzz.com, hosting workshops on blogging, writing for Emerald Street, looking glamorous, and yelling at idiots on Twitter is what Cate does best. And we love her for it.
• Beth Anderson - Perhaps London's premier musical pedal-powered vegan artist/geek, Beth has spent 2011 battling the money demons and has succeeded in banishing them. She has also entertained and educated her many Twitter followers along the way.
• Ayten Mustafa - The lovely Creative Director of Ayten Gasson was playing the time-consuming parts of 'bride' and 'mum' this year, yet she still managed to find time to show me her studio and help me make a garter as a wedding gift for my sister.
• Helen Arney - One of my great discoveries of 2011 has been Festival of the Spoken Nerd, of which Helen is one third. She's a singer, songwriter, comedian... and she'll be on stage at the fantastic comedy charity event Sex Appeal in the new year!
• Rubyyy Jones - Runner-Up in this year's Burlesque Idol competition, Rubyyy is a performer who is bringing something different and creative to the cabaret stage. She's been working hard on her hilarious and rather saucy acts this year, so make sure you see her in 2012.
• Sarah Cook - When she's not running Hub King's Cross or stage-managing various events, Sarah has been doing a fair bit of ass kicking with the feminist gang over at Bad Reputation. Mess with her at your peril.
• Alison Brumfitt - Not only does she create and perform some bloody excellent poetry, but Alison also lives on a boat. Yes, a BOAT! 'Nuff said.
• Poppy Dinsey - For a while, I thought that Poppy's job was to keep me entertained on Twitter. Thankfully she managed to set up WIWT without leaving that particular social network. Not sure what I'd have done otherwise.
• Fiona Deane - My sister bought a house, planned a wedding and completed the first part of her MBA all the the same 12 months. If she has time when she's finished her dissertation, I think I'll ask her to host a small seminar on time management, as I could do with some tips!

Image of Rubyyy Jones taken by Echo Moss at Barelesque in October 2011.

The Alternative A-to-Z of Sex: Testing

I would hope that you already know to carry condoms. Unless you and your partner(s) have been recently tested and have a clean bill of sexual health, by far the safest way to have sex is to rubber up before getting down to business. If you haven't been tested, have you considered it? Visiting a genito-urinary medicine (GUM) clinic is a simple route to the safest sex you'll ever have. You can get tested for STIs, get advice and also get free condoms! Everything is discussed in confidence, you don't have to use your real name, and the doctors there won't even tell your GP so there is no need to be embarrassed about anything. What's stopping you? Unless you're 100% monogamous and are sure your partner is too, you shouldn't be waiting to get tested when you think you've got something - you should be doing it regularly to prove to yourself and others that you haven't. Surely taking a morning off work to get everything checked out is a small price to pay?

This was adapted from a piece I wrote last year for BitchBuzz, because I can't think of a better way to say it!

Feminism Friday: Pink stinks!

I've had it with pointlessly gendered products. Pink for boys and blue for girls - not only should we all have grown out of this a long time ago, like the 1980s, but it's actually getting worse! Charlie posted a link to some 'delightfully feminine' gadgets on Twitter earlier today, which made me realise what I've been doing wrong all this time with my photography. Clearly my photos would be so much better if I was using a camera that is designed for my gender. If my camera was pink, then all would be right with the world. Know what I say to that? BOLLOCKS!

You can stuff your fairydust-powered car accessories, pink cameras and glitter-encrusted Christmas gifts "for her" up your stupid lazy marketeer arse. Same goes for all that shite "for him" too. Believe it or not, some men don't even like football, piss-weak lager and objectifying women! While you're at it, stop dividing kids' stuff by gender too. A friend of mine had some rather awesome 'space baby' socks for her daughter, but found that they were only available in the boy's section. It's fine to arrange the clothes/toys by colour or activity, but it's 100% not OK to enforce ridiculous gender stereotypes in this way. Girls do/wear this and boys do/wear that? Really? Says who? Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me! I want gender-neutral gadgets and I want to be able to easily choose between All The Things. Is that really too much to ask?

Catching it early

If you live in the UK, you'll probably already know that the NHS has lots of cancer screening programmes, designed to spot the early signs and take action before things develop further. The one which I have first-hand knowledge of is the cervical screening process. A year ago I wrote about the worry that can arise from a routine smear test because, the first time my results were abnormal, I had no idea what to expect. I thought that writing about my experience might help others to realise the programme is there to ensure that you have very little chance of actually developing cervical cancer, providing you go for your smear tests when they're due. I have recently had another set of abnormal results and have been called for a colposcopy once more, and so I thought this was a subject worth addressing again.

What actually happens in a smear test? Well, I shall leave that to mydiaryfromdownunder to explain. Suffice to say that, although it can be painful for some women, for most it's merely uncomfortable. I've been rather fortunate in that, although I have had a lot of smears in my life so far, they have all been carried out by kind and proficient healthcare professionals. Not everyone is that lucky though, so do complain if you feel you have been treated badly. However, the really important thing to remember here is that this might save your life.

If you are over 25 years old and you have a cervix, please make sure that you are registered with a doctor and are getting a smear at least every 3 years. Keeping an eye on any changes means that any treatment you need to keep you healthy will be very minor indeed.

The Alternative A-to-Z of Sex: Scent

Scent plays a big part in attraction for some people. We all know this. For some, it's that fresh-from-the-shower smell that turns them on. For others it's their partner's choice of bottled fragrance mixed with their own natural scent. Your lover may even be attracted by a smell that you assumed they wouldn't like - perhaps the tasty aroma of food on your breath or the wonderful natural smell of your genitals. Everyone is different and so nothing can be assumed. For me, it's the way scent can revive memories that makes it so very fascinating. The way my hair still pleasingly smells of someone else's bed the day after, or the way that walking past someone on the street who wears the same cologne as an ex can mean I'm almost transported back in time. The most powerful of flashbacks often seem to be powered only by our sense of smell. Olfactory memory might night sound like a spectacularly sexy term, but the results can often be far more erotic than you might first think.

Image via Ms. Tina's Flickr photostream.

What Katie Did: Glamour and Seduction

When an email pops up in my inbox telling me about a workshop that is going to be held at one of my favourite lingerie boutiques in London, it is always going to grab my attention. Especially if it's part of an afternoon of "glamour and seduction". Hair and make-up tips for easy Christmas party glamour from the fabulous Lipstick & Curls? Fantastic! A crash course on Christmas party confidence from Miss Polly Rae, showing you how to work the room to become the sauciest belle of the ball? Ooh, yes please! Tasty cocktails, gorgeous cakes from Vintage Patisserie, a goody bag and shopping voucher? What Katie Did certainly know how to tempt me! Resistance was futile, so I snapped up a couple of tickets and popped the date into my diary as quickly as I could.

My good friend Amanda Jones and I decided that public transport was probably not the best way to get from south east to west London on a Sunday and so, yesterday afternoon, we jumped into the car and set off with the heat blasting and the sat nav guiding us. Sadly, my Tom Tom seemed completely oblivious to additional issues such as traffic and diversions, so we had to call the boutique to let them know we'd be a bit late. When we finally arrived, the lovely Maz greeted us with a smile and said she'd managed to move us to the later workshop, so we had some time to sit down with chocolates and a teacup of tasty gin cocktail in order to recover from our transport ordeal. As we chatted, my eye was caught by the row of Besame make-up testers and then, as I cooed over the beautiful colours and the classic compacts, I got distracted yet again by the sight of the gorgeous Fonda set in silver (see image above). Last time I visited the WKD boutique I tried on their bullet bra and, although the fit was beautiful, I wasn't sure that it looked right on me in black. This new pale satin and sheer version looked rather enticing indeed.

After a spot of browsing, and a quick chat with Katie herself, we moved from the boutique into the cozy space set aside for the workshop. It felt like a secret gathering in a glamorous friend's boudoir, which was the ideal setting for getting hair, make-up and seduction tips from the experts! First up was another Amanda, from vintage styling experts Lipstick & Curls, who was here to answer our retro hair and make-up queries. She correctly guessed that our questions would all be about creating a vintage look when you're short on time, and so we were treated to tips on speedy curling, pinning and up-dos for straight and curly hair. Suggested styles covered eras from the 1920s to 1960s and Amanda even recommended the best brushes and hairspray for the job. After some handy eyeliner hints for those of us with unsteady hands, it was time to hand over to Polly Rae for our shortcuts to party confidence.

We might not face quite as many Christmas parties as most magazines might suggest, but the trickiest of all is usually the office one. I will know more people at mine this year than last but still expect to be standing quietly in the corner with a few close colleagues, so some hints on how to ooze confidence rather than look nervous were more than welcome. Who better to offer such tips than gorgeous burlesque star Miss Polly Rae? As someone who needs to quickly connect with an audience whilst looking effortlessly glamorous and immeasurably confident, Polly has picked up many helpful shortcuts to holding people's attention without appearing to try. After a few quick pointers to help with perfect posture, and a hint or two on how to make it all look terribly natural, we were treated to a pep talk on body confidence and some seduction techniques inspired by burlesque moves. When she showed the group how to draw someone's gaze to a particular part of the body, we were all mesmerised. I'm pretty sure Polly Rae's tips will be put into action at many parties - and more intimate situations! - this festive season.

After scoffing our cupcakes and getting a cocktail refill, we returned to the boutique and rummaged through our goodie bags. Not only did we have a tester set of Besame's fabulous red lipsticks, but there was also a £10 voucher to spend in the store. As you can probably imagine, Ms Jones* and I soon found ourselves in the changing rooms surrounded by beautiful bras. Despite the fact that it was now the end of what must have been a very long day in the boutique, the level of service remained absolutely amazing. The ever-wonderful Vicky kindly fetched us different styles and helped with sizing so, despite a complete lack of pressure to buy, I just couldn't resist that Fonda bra in the end. Additionally, I've long been a fan of bikini style briefs and so was pleased to discover that WKD have some in their Striptease line that co-ordinate rather well (see above). It appears I have already spent some of the Christmas money that my mum has promised me, and December has hardly begun! Although Amanda has yet to spend her voucher, I can't see that she would have a problem with going back to browse some more. Even if the lingerie options on offer prove to be too much, a wannabe vintage glamourpuss can always use more stockings.

*You know, next time I post a review of something at What Katie Did, I think it should perhaps be a Smith & Jones collaboration!

Lingerie images via What Katie Did. Photograph of Miss Polly Rae by William Baker.

My week without Twitter

Well, I'm nearly there. I set myself the challenge of managing to last seven days without using Twitter, and I am nearly there. At midnight I shall log back in and see if anything's changed... if anyone remembers me. To be honest, I sort of cheated in a way. Back in January, I was completely addicted to Twitter and simply had to catch up with my followers whenever I could. These days I don't use it nearly as much because I'm following around 400 people and quite often just can't see through the noise. When you're only catching up every now and again, it really does make it easier to quit. Not that I'm quitting, you understand. I fully intend to get back in the saddle this evening. I just wanted to see a) if I could do it, and b) how it would feel.

It's been an interesting and varied seven days. Throughout the week, I've been keeping a mini-diary of how I've been feeling at the times I would usually be tweeting. I was hoping that my attention span would lengthen and I would be able to read more than blogs, magazines and newspapers as a result. I was hoping that I would revert to more 'old fashioned' ways of keeping in touch. I was also a bit worried that I'd be acting like an addict going cold turkey. However, this is what happened:

• Monday morning - Feeling smug and virtuous as I finally finished reading The Bloody Chamber!
• Monday lunch time - Caught myself planning my "comeback tweet".
• Monday evening - Was, er, somewhat distracted this evening and and forgot all about Twitter!
• Tuesday morning - Read more of Chicks Dig Timelords on my commute.
• Tuesday lunch time - Feeling a bit lonely and wondering what everyone's up to.
• Tuesday evening - Discovered a fantastic charity shop after work and didn't feel the need to instantly tell someone about it.
• Wednesday morning - Decided to email a few friends to find out how they are. It felt so very turn-of-the-century.
• Wednesday lunch time - Met up with someone who mentioned a couple of things I didn't know about, because she'd posted them on Twitter.
• Wednesday evening - Very productive. Far more time to do useful things when I'm home alone if I'm not getting distracted by Twitter.
• Thursday morning - Fired off a few emails on the train to work. Then just stared out of the window...
• Thursday lunch time - Chats with Amanda. Talking about stuff we wouldn't put on Twitter anyway.
• Thursday evening - Pleasantly surprised as to who was at Southwark Playhouse to see Howl's Moving Castle as I'd not done/seen a Twitter roll call in the afternoon. Fun times! No desire to tweet.
• Friday morning - Desire to tweet nil, but I'm still checking my phone for notifications, oddly.
• Friday lunch time - Nope... still nothing. Didn't check my phone either.
• Friday evening - Busy doing other things.
• Saturday - Put up the Nightmare Before Christmas tree in the afternoon. Briefly thought about tweeting a photo of it. Figured it could wait another couple of days.
• Sunday - Spent the afternoon at the What Katie Did boutique's 'Glamour & Seduction' workshop. Resisted the urge to instantly tweet about how awesome it was.

So, what will be waiting for me upon my return? Will people have missed me? Have I missed out on any campaigns, daft hashtags, or awful jokes? The really interesting thing is that I've only lost a handful of followers all week and have still been gaining new ones. I wonder if they'll all stick around once I start tweeting again. Even though I now know that my short attention span and desire to tell people everything that's going on in my life is partly the result of being on Twitter so often, something tells me that things will be back to normal the moment I reinstall that app on my phone.

Feminism Friday: The Help

Last week I found myself at a loose end one evening. It's been so long since I last had a few hours to myself where going home was not an option, that I really didn't know what to do with myself. I asked around and none of my friends were available, so I racked my brain to think of social spaces that would be open late on a Wednesday evening. Then it hit me... why didn't I go to the cinema? I couldn't believe I'd not thought of it sooner! I'd only been to see two movies on my own ever - Shaun of the Dead, for something like the fifth time, and Control - so what was going to be the subject of my third solo outing? The obvious choices would be the types of film that my partner might not want to go and see, so My Week With Marilyn was top of my list. However, that wasn't released in the UK for another two days, so I decided to go with a movie that I had read very little about: The Help.

All I knew when I walked into the cinema and took my seat was that The Help was based on a book of true stories from African-American maids working for white Mississippi families in the 1960s. I was prepared for a depiction of a world very different from my own and I was prepared for some awful racist language but, sat with a diverse audience in east London, I was not prepared for just how shocking the first hour was going to be in that regard. I know these were only actors, but I felt horrified at some of the things these white people on the screen were saying. How on earth did people believe this sort of thing and talk that way, so openly, about other human beings? The 1960s isn't really that long ago either. It was quite uncomfortable to see the recent past so lovingly depicted visually, like so many beloved television dramas, but with the added reality shock of racist attitudes not softened for our modern sensibilities. I guess it shows just how far our society has come in those last 50 years.

I don't need to tell you about the storyline of this movie, as there are plenty of reviews that have already done that. I can't really talk about how accurate - or not - the portrayal of attitudes to race were for the time and place. What I do want to talk about though is the women in this movie. The performances were amazing and the story had me hooked from the start, but what really struck me afterwards was that all of the main characters were women. Absolutely all of them. Where most mainstream Hollywood movies have, at best, one half-decent role in them for a female actress, this film was jam-packed with them. Women of all ages too. And, even more surprisingly, the male characters were reduced to bit parts and classic disposable 'love interest'. The best part was that I actually didn't notice all this until afterwards. At no point was I smugly thinking "it's a feminist movie about women and their lives!" because it was simply a story about people. Great characters, both bad and good, depicted via moving performances - we really need more of this sort of thing on the big screen.

Fear of missing out

Sometimes great things happen. House parties turn out to be far more awesome that you'd hoped they'd be, that cabaret show ends up being an absolute belter, and a few quiet drinks with friends somehow becomes the best night out you've had in a very long time. Years ago, this stuff happened and then you'd tell your mates over drinks the following week whilst wearing your excited face, so they'd be happy for you. These days, you live tweet what an awesome time you're having and upload the photos to Facebook the instant you get home, which leaves your friends thinking... I wish I'd been there. Fear of missing out is a very real thing and it's been made a whole lot worse by social media. Much as you want your friends to be having fun, hearing about it all the time just makes you wonder if you should have been there. Maybe I should have gone to that party? Why wasn't I invited? Why did I leave before it got good? All of these feelings crop up and then it starts making you feel a teeny bit paranoid about the social life of pretty much everyone else you know.

The reality of it is that no one is having quite as much fun as they appear to be. Well, not all the time anyway. People tell you about the parts of a party that were really awesome, but they won't tell you about the two hours that they spent talking to that one really dull person who didn't take the hint. The photos will show that everyone looked amazing and was having a great time but, chances are, they won't have uploaded all the crappy shots where everyone looked drunk and half asleep. It's so easy, when you're confronted with every tiny detail of your friends' social lives via Twitter and Facebook, to assume that absolutely everyone is having more fun than you. However, assume nothing. People will say pretty much anything to look cool.